poise ; dance ; love

*read posts from archives if you use firefox =)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

today i got filmed. and it was absolutely hilarious. never again will i make a fool of myself at the airport. but it was pretty good fun.

i have yet to understand the very short conversation i had with douglas last night. out of the blue and very odd. i'm having trouble deciding between "not thinking straight" and "drunk", i mean on his part. but for what it's worth, he has never initiated any conversation with me since we started talking in january, so i'll give him an A for effort no matter what the situation was.
maybe it'll lead to another private party. heh.

delirium was pretty good. props to the drama team. there was the usual bliss and depression, somebody died as always, but they did it again. i got a a little freaked out, but not enough to get nightmares, so for that i am eternally grateful.
deliruim 08

i have officially spent my week's allowance before the week has started. i think i will be able to survive.
and tonight, my hair will experience dual coloration all over again. it's been awhile.

566 more days

<3 6:41 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2008

a fateful bus ride.
i didnt even see it coming.
at the most common of places no less.
the tears that streamed. though i held back till i left.
at least, we passed with "hi and bye". and even managed a smile.
brief no doubt, but still a smile.
part of me wanted to slap you, part of me wanted to sit next to you and say hi and ask you how you were doing. most of me just sat there, glued to the chair.
i guess it was for the best.
i dont miss you. it just hurt to unwillingly remember what i had willingly tried so hard to forget.

will it ever stop hurting? does the pain really go away?

569 more days.

<3 9:17 PM

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

today i thought of you. it was a passing thought, but it was still about you.
i really should not be thinking about you.

570 more days.

<3 1:24 AM

Monday, July 21, 2008

singapore river festival. here i come. whee =)

572 more days

<3 4:56 PM

Sunday, July 20, 2008

oh my, it was a pretty awesome day.

573 more days.

<3 8:10 PM

Saturday, July 19, 2008

yes. 4 in the morning. haha. i think my favourite singer will be gwen stefani really soon. [i hope someone got that].
although, my favourtite song right now is by gloria estefan [and no, there was no joke there]

i just cant sleep. i'm fine though. just cant sleep. i hope i dont collapse due to exhaustion.

two years. i'll be fine.

<3 4:46 AM

Thursday, July 17, 2008

8 episodes of gilmore girls season one. and instant noodles at 4am.
no sleep for almost 24hrs. [it will be 24 hours as of 11.55am]
and now i think i will go for a swim. maybe 4 laps, if i make it through that much, and then hopefully drown myself in the jacuzzi. metaphorically speaking.

i am guessing, i'm not someone who deals very well with being sad/upset/angry/depressed. or at least, i deal with it by watching non-stop online tv. if i was in the states, TiVo would be my best friend. gee, TiVo was miranda's best friend when she was lonely. [ie miranda from sex and the city] oh boy, that must be it, i must be lonely. heh.

and for the record, i havent slept yet, so it's still wednesday. dont argue with me. as far as i am concern, it is 8.30apm, wednesday.

<3 8:20 AM

Sunday, July 13, 2008

i think the highlight of tonight was not the concert. it was meeting up with bennerick. and having supper with him. didnt realize how much i miss the guy. it was nice. really nice. haha.

the concert was pretty alright. there were some parts that weren't very good though. but the choreography was impressive. ben and i were like, eh eh that one is by ryan, and that one is definitely by gin. and, why that choreo look so ian ah? haha. like i said, good fun. and turns out that i know more people in emix than a thought, mei en for instance. i saw her mum at the toilet. interesting huh?! hmm. i wonder if i will ever make it there.

salsa street jazz choreo is looking up on paper. and i just heard that ADS is coming in to teach BE, and possibly gupson. wow. learning from gupson for free, it's almost too good to be true. gonna try and get back into BE. like i said, the salsa seems to keep coming. all on its own. i dont even have to lift a finger. i wonder if he will remember me. heh.

<3 5:22 AM

Friday, July 11, 2008

so we're brought up to believe that love will find a way.
then why do those who believe in that to the death, always end up faulted with pain and misery?

when is the love really worth fighting for? and if it's love, why the need to fight and endure the pain and suffering? havent we also been brought out to believe that love is bliss? since when did "love hurts" become a slogan to live by?

<3 1:35 AM

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

my gosh. who the heck do you think you are? talking to me like that? what is it your not happy about? that i work? that i'm not involved enough? you could fill an ocean with your biasness. and let me tell you this, my well is empty. i hate the way you do things, and your running us all down with you. you have no right. what happened to professionalism? what happened to the endless support that i tried so hard to give? what reward have i reaped exactly. i really have no freaking idea. time and time again i hear so many reasons why people cannot stand you. do you not hear them, or have you decided to ignore them because you feel that we're just jealous of your post? every tear you've dropped we've caught it and showed concern. giving you face at this point is us being nice. and trust me, there are a lot of us who are being nice. you've become just like him, but you're even worse, because at least he gave us something and produced results. start shaping up or we will not hesitate to ship you out. and i will head the rebellion if i have to, because i have personally had enough. your direction and actions have resulted in a massacre. one that we should not have to be involved in.

<3 2:22 AM

Monday, July 07, 2008

and my weekend came to an end. don't you just hate it when that happens?

i must say, this was a rather eventful weekend. it was douglas's house one friday, for my very own private party, good clean fun? haha. on saturday, we headed to MOS to to throw jingwei a farewell of sorts. i havent decided if it was a farewell to his civilian life or his pride, ie his hair. sunday morning, i had an audition at jitterbugs for a performance during the singapore river festival. i think the everyone got through the auditions, still waiting to hear from them though, i really hope i hear for them. excited excited. haha. sunday night, a bunch of us went over to jing wei's house to aid in the removal of his pride. i never knew cutting someone else's hair could be so much fun. tiring though. although, that could be due to the serious lack of sleep over the three days.
and that is my weekend all summed up in one paragraph. go see photos if you want a few more thousand words on my weekend.
ministry of sound pictures
cutting hair ceremony

back to school today. and i didnt wake up for lectures. but i'll have to go for the rest of my classes, so i'll be leaving soon. heh.

WHAT WAS I THINKING? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING QUESTIONING ME? WHO IS HE? YOUR BOYFRIEND? WHO ARE YOU? HIS GIRLFRIEND? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP? DONT YOUR EYES HURT FROM CRYING? DOESNT YOUR HEART FEEL FRAIL FROM ALL THE PAIN? DONT YOU WANT IT TO STOP, OR ARE YOU PERFECTLY FINE LIVING IN SUICIDAL INTENT? YOUR SO MUCH BIGGER AND BETTER THAN THIS. WHY IS IT THAT YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO CANT SEE THAT? YOUR LETTING HIM HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU, FOR WHAT? HOPING THAT ONE DAY HE'LL SEE THE LIGHT? DONT YOU SEE THAT HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH HIS SITUATION? HE HAS IT ALL, THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP EVERY HOT BLOODED MALE WANTS. HE HAS THE GIRL WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT, AND DOESNT HAVE TO CARE ABOUT HER WHEN DOESNT WANT HER. MAYBE SHOW ABIT OF CONCERN ONCE IN AWHILE AS A FORM OF PAYMENT OF SORTS. HE DOESNT WANT TO SEEM LKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE.
YOU DONT APPRECIATE IT AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE? I DONT BELIEVE YOU COULD EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND THAT IT WAS INTENTIONAL. IT SORT OF HAPPENED AND TURNED INTO A PHOTO TAKING SESSION. AT LEAST FIND OUT HOW IT HAPPENED, INSTEAD OF GOING STRAIGHT TO DEFENSE. AND HECK, YOU'VE TAKEN PICTURES LIKE THAT OR BEEN IN THAT POSITION WITH SO MANY OTHER GUYS. AND I GET RIDDEN BECAUSE THIS ONE'S YOUR'S? CORRECTION, YOUR EX BOYFRIEND? DONT YOU SEE IT? YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. HE HAS STOPPED. UNTIL YOU DECIDE THAT YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, HE WILL NEVER STOP WHAT HE'S DOING. YOU'RE MAKING IT TOO EASY FOR HIM.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN? LIKE I SAID, WE'RE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO ROOT FOR YOURSELF AND STOP ROOTING FOR HIM?

there, i've said my piece.

<3 11:33 AM

Saturday, July 05, 2008

it was nice seeing him dance. he looked the same. as impressive as ever. as cheeky as ever. absolutely the same.

i must admit though, it really sucks to see him so happy. doesnt matter if it's for real or not. it just really sucks to see him so freaking happy.

i ask again, why is it that he had so much more on the line than i did, and yet, i seem to be the one who has lost. maybe not everything, but i still feel i lost.

<3 6:02 PM