Saturday, May 31, 2008
this is what happens when dancers get really bored and have msn at their fingertips.
performance was pretty good. and my fave take away picture is (drum roll please)
i still think it looks like some facial wash advertisement. or dove shower foam. haha.
other than that, things have been pretty quiet. although i'm quite certain that by tmr, i would have lost the ability to walk properly.
pretty awesome huh?!
<3 11:26 AM
Sunday, May 25, 2008
<3 10:06 PM
Friday, May 23, 2008
<3 4:32 PM
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
<3 2:00 PM
Sunday, May 18, 2008
<3 11:02 PM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
<3 10:50 PM <3 10:05 PM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
<3 8:36 PM
Friday, May 09, 2008
<3 10:45 AM
Thursday, May 08, 2008
<3 10:01 PM
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
<3 9:09 PM
Saturday, May 03, 2008
<3 7:28 PM
the pas few days have been pretty good. pastor raymond davey on friday was absolutely awesome. just like monday. but on monday he did impartation. or friday he had general ministry. so it was pretty incredible. and apparently, God says i have a sense of humor. God thinks i'm funny. haha. how cool is that?
saturday was spent battling international cross cultural management, and treated with lunch and cheesecake with mad and gret. the cheesecake was alright, but the food is still pretty good. and lunch was lovingly on gret. then it was back home for some sleep and trying to battle sub-mortgage.
sunday morning was rather sweet. i finally satisfied my long long craving for mcgriddles. and breakfast with hubby. greeted in church by warm "hello-s" and awesome worship from shadrach. project christwalk wasn't too bad either. my fav design is probably caleb's squiggly line one. haha. and jeremy seaward's sermon was pretty good. and he's the kind of pastor that you will not mind if he goes on preaching forever. ok, maybe forever is a bit strong, but you get the point.
and for dessert, we will have a double dosage of business finance and marketing research. awesome huh?!
and life has never been better. after yesterday, it will only keep getting better. it's finally all over and i feel this incredible weight lifted off my heart. i haven't felt this good since, i don't know when.
btw, indiana jones is pretty good. esp if you're a follower, which i am not. but my parents are, and they loved the movie. made of honour is true to itself, being a chick flick. but i must say, it was more PS.I Love You rather than 27 Dresses. so there were teary parts. at least i cried. haha. but then again, denise has concluded i cry all the time, so maybe it's not a very good point of judgement. heh.
raymond davey tonight again. oh boy, i just cant wait.
and that was how i spent my vesak day. in the presence of the Lord. there was truly no where else i would have rather been.
went for my first dance prac since i started teaching class. it was really refreshing but much torture. too long too long. but i feel really good now. i guess i can't take dance out of my system because i love it so much, and i know people watch. and if you're a dancer and you don't like to be told you're good, and you don't like to show off, then i would tell you to stop wasting your time.
i still like salsa the most. because i know i'm really good at that. not amazing. but really good. and i really miss it. but dancing is dancing, beggers can't be choosers. and my prior training with the studio and at jbugs have taken me pretty far. zelia suggests i talk to fen or sam about coming for the tech class on wed. but class at cvsom starts june 4th. and i want to go for that course. so we'll play by ear and see how. besides, wednesdays are better for me than mondays. but i like watching me dance. haha. sounds a little egoistic, i know. but it's only after i started salsa, that i liked watching myself dance. that i feel more confident. i guess because all salsa dancers are trained to look good and show off. haha. which is a good thing, mind you. i think i have improved.
so even if i never make a career out of dancing, it can be my lifelong hobby that i'm pretty good at. haha.
this is one of those movies that you must catch in the cinema. it needs the big screen, if you get what i mean.
and i know two people who would absolutely get a kick out of the movie, with their constant need for speed and all. kl to sg in two hours right? haha.
things have been alright. not amazing. but i'm getting there. for a starters, i'm eating properly again and i had my first night of awesome sleep last night. so awesome that i almost didnt get up for church. almost didnt get up, i say again. and now sunday is here, i'm looking forward to an amazing monday with the prophetic revival meeting and all. the week ahead already has heartbreak and heart ache written on it, but i've got the most powerful person on my side. nothing can go wrong, even if it does get me down. hey, i'm only human. (excuses, excuses, excuses)
i met up with jon last night. or early evening rather. managed to get him to come for healing service. i wonder how he's doing. he was pretty sick last night. had dinner with him. then sent me home and he went back for an early night. at least, i hope he did. it was nice. last time we hung out like that was in '06, and around the same time. funny huh?! anyway, i just hope and pray that he gets better soon.
prayer going out to patty too. but i think she's doing a pretty good job having it all under control. sometimes it takes someone to lose control in order to remember who is in control.
so here's the thing. i'm kinda glad you're attached in some sense. if not i would be holding a torch of hope. and wondering whether i could make you change your mind in one month. and knowing fully well that i cant, whether you were single or not, would break my heart. and i think that my heart's been through quite enough for sometime. i also think that right now, if i get into anything with anyone, he needs to be around too. can't have him flying off anytime soon.
i hate myself for loving you
i turn my head away, but my heart will remain
till the day i learn you're no good for me
-abstract from 'no good' by kate voegele
relevant. although, i don't hate myself for any of it. one thing i have learnt to do is not hate myself for doing anything. i guess, to some extent, the hardest thing to accept is that we make mistakes too. we can forgive everyone else for doing stupid things and making stupid mistakes, wondering why their brains had left them at that point. so when we make a stupid mistake, we find it very difficult to think that we ourselves, are capable of stupid mistakes. of not thinking before we act. or only thinking after we have acted. i ask myself everyday, desperately wondering why it happened. wondering why i thought it was ok. wondering how i, someone who finds difficulty in hurting a stranger, could turn around and hurt a friend so deeply.
i know why i did it. i have a full blown explanation. and i know why i thought it was ok. i just wonder, why i never saw the other side. the part i should have seen. the part i knew was there all along. the part that i would preach to someone else who was in my situation.
i had my first meal, in two days, just now. adam park, i had to eat. all my favorite foods, a little bit of forceful discipline had to be instilled, i didnt eat much though and i'm not hungry again. i'm guessing tomorrow will be another foodless day. to top that off, i'm becoming mildly insomniac. i finally understand the meaning of being tired and not sleepy. douglas was right, it is possible. i lie in bed, and it takes me about two hours, give and take, before i actually sleep. it's happen a couple of nights already. and usually, i would get up to do something that would put me to sleep, like watch videos or something. but the energy escapes me. i can barely get out of bed, even going to the restroom seems like a chore. but i close my eys, and i keep them shut for a long while, before opening them and realizing that i am still wide awake but very very tired. which means that it's really late by the time i sleep and i go through day running on lack of sleep. and, much to my dismay, fall asleep in class. and have no energy to do anything for the rest of the day, except feel like sleeping. i come home, and the cycle repeats itself. i could not even fall asleep on the bus the other day, imagine that.
dinner @ ivan's on sunday went pretty well. kudos to ivan, mag and ian. and of course ivan's mummy. although, i still think he should have done it next sunday because monday is a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. haha. but ivan was right, putting it on mother's day meant that lesser people would come. cheaper party. it was all good. although, the apology that ended my night was absolutely uncalled for. and has yet to be explained to me. but i had a pretty good time, and would not mind doing it again. next one would be a bake out @ patty's place. haha. so she can finally try her hand at lava cake and have people there to finish it for her.
pictures of all the food and some of the people are to your right.
i saw her yesterday. i was walking to the bus stop at royal thai embassy. i looked up and saw her just as she looked up and saw me. it's a good thing i decided to cross further down the road, if not we would have literally crossed paths. which would have been awkward, interesting but awkward. i reacted with my uncontrollable facial expression of fear/disgust/dismay, i'm not sure which one, and looked away. i didnt really look at her long enough to see any substantial reaction, but what i did get a glimpse of was sheer shock. sigh. and to think, if i bumped into her like this at the same time last year, i would have run up and said hi, and maybe even thrown in a hug. just goes to show, one year is not a very long time. and a lot can happen/change in just one year.
class today was pretty good. i think i like the tuesday group better than the thursday one. they seem smarter, somehow. heh. but it was good. i'm not doing an amazing job, but i'm not doing a terrible job either. i need to find time to take a class of my own though. my classes at jitterbugs are somewhat growing called and rotting away.
you just want love
nothing more, nothing less, just love
and you want it to last forever
here's the funny thing, in order to heal the heart that's been to hell and back, we yearn for the very same thing that put it down in hell in the first place, hoping that this time it will be different.
oh the irony.
every few nights i have the same dream. i dream that i'm making things good with her.
he's never involved. only ever appeared in one of those dreams. but we didn't talk, barely said hi. i remember not liking him very much in that dream. but the dreams of making things good with her are getting more and more frequent. i have half the heart to pick up the phone and give it a go. the scenarios are different but the storyline always the same. every time i wake up wondering whether maybe, just maybe, there is some truth in those dreams. that we might actually make good. who knows, it could happen. things like this, have a funny way of catching up with us eventually. it's driving me a little crazy though.
all of it still hurts. i'm not quite sure why anymore. but it still does. and i've started thinking about him again. i haven't for a long time. i've been the good christian girl, doing my quiet time, going to church. did the occasional going out and the occasional drinking. and btw, i haven't a drink since labour day. the fact that i haven't had a drink because there hasn't been anything or anywhere to drink is besides the point. but recently, the tears have started again. crying myself to sleep till my eyes are all puffy in the morning. i don't miss him. i just still feel so hurt. i still don't understand how anyone can do what he did. i suppose i will never understand, because i would never do it to anyone. so i don't know how he can. and i keep wondering, i actually fell for this guy. was my judgment that blurred. how did the guy i fell for turn out to be so heartless. i can't take into consideration that maybe he can't be heart full because he's in no position and he has to throw me aside and not care. because i would not know. i really wouldn't. and i can only judge someone with what i know. and no one has given me any reason to think other wise. except when i remember what he was, then for a split second, i think otherwise. and for a split second, i think it's ok.
i got kissed on labour day. heh. i think it meant more to the guy than it did to me. i guess i really do have a problem saying no. which is not a good thing, btw. it's how this whole mess started in the first place. but this time, it was more of an obligation. he was being so nice, i guess i felt bad not giving in a little. and it really was a little. gosh. i sound like a date rape case about to happen. time to go for classes on "saying no".
today's class was ridiculously painful. i hoping that i would have more guys. and i did, i had two guys. and 6 girls. 1 girl decided to be a guy which made that count 3. it was easier with all girls. only one side and not much to teach. now with guys, i had to teach both sides and we didn't get much done. i need help, but i have absolutely no where to go. and i need slower songs by tuesday or things are not going to get any better for me. all my slow songs are still too fast. i wonder if audacity or firdaus can slow them down for me. hmm.
and for the record, i've gone back to long entries with recounts of my life, with minimal discretion, because i am quite sick of having so much to say but nowhere to say it. and unlike some people, i happen to find a great thrill in spilling my life over the internet. for whoever to read. and if you think it is about you, then so be it. if you're name isn't there, you can never be too sure, now can you.
heh. dibs on the last one.
even with the aircon seemingly at full blast,
i was sweating like a pig.
but that was pretty much
what my very first class felt like.
remember that three month long job i mentioned?
5 ladies,
easily 10 years older than me.
i did it like how i remembered it,
whenever i watched.
or at least, i think i did.
all went pretty well.
when i started with the partnerwork,
things got easier.
people became more relaxed,
i became more relaxed.
there were no guys.
and only me,
so partnerwork took up a lot of time.
which was a very good thing.
i almost thought i would have had too much time.
and from the smiles i got at the end,
i think they found it good too.
i hope.
next class on thursday. will be better. heh.
do not watch dance of the dragon.
unless you absolutely love fann wong.
or any of the other people in the film,
and will find pleasure in just staring at them.
it was such a disappointing film.
i would call it,
the most disorganized singapore production.
timeline wise.
it was hardly believable.
there wasnt much proper dancing.
and their final dance was kinda crappy.
although, seeing derek and brendan on screen,
was kinda funny and amusing. haha.
oh oh, i saw belman dancing with his partner too.
in their blue costume.
that was nice.
it's funny seeing people you know personally,
on screen. haha.
esp when you dont know their in the film.
okays, the night is somewhat young.
the agenda?
one tree hill
gossip girl
and calculus
i'm actually looking forward to calculus.
it was not terrible.
but it wasn't exactly great.
a very humanitarian superhero.
a man trying to right his wrongs.
unbreak my heart is, probably,
the most ridiculous thing i have heard.
almost sounds like black mail.
or even a guilt trip.
all hail tony braxton.
no personal attacks.
some sad people,
just dont like to be reminded.