poise ; dance ; love

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Thursday, June 30, 2005

today was a terribly boring day. late for sch again, and again it wasnt my fault. i shld threathen to sue sbs [not that it wld make a difference].

clb yst was so retarded. abriel wasnt there though. we have two new teachers and one is so big. as in literally. and the other looks as if she got pulled out a chinese drama. lynette was going on and on abt the teachers. and we were discussing russel peters at the same time. u can imagine how that went. haha!

then today was pretty much the same. bored bored bored. almost died during geog. then bio aft sch was beyond gross. that whole lesson took the word gross to another level. mdm lim is one bloody graphic teacher. i do not like mdm lim. she holds lessons that are disgustingly boring [or in todays case, juz disgusting] and i sit through them, telling myself that i have to give a damn to what she says or i will fail. but time and time again, the rewards dun seem one bit visible. crap! i am gonna study now.

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lai jie sleeping during bio. damn cute right? hah!

<3 5:45 PM

Monday, June 27, 2005

i am single and not very happy. i spent my day pretty much staring out the window and thinking of him. is not that i want to, it's just that he just seems to come to mind. but i have been sleeping well and eating regularly so it's not so bad. and with ppl lyk tricia by my side, i will be fine. there is clb on wed and i will go i guess. but i dunno if i am up to it yet. not sure if he is going though. coz it's either i am being ignored or he has not gotten his phone back. i went to compass today, at first i was scared that i wld see him. then eventually that fear turned into want. i wanted so much to see him. or see someone lyk zoe. every hihs guy i passed, i hoped wld miraculously turn into him. call me crazy and all, but i don't miss him like i missed colin. it still hurts and stuff but i miss him coz its so weird that we have not talked for so long. and consedering how often we used to talk, it is very long. i miss his laughter, i miss his stupid attempts on sarcasm. i miss his stupid jokes. i basically miss conversing with him. sure i miss the physical factor too, i mean who wldn't. he is a really good kisser. but i miss his friendship the most. i want to be as close as i was with him before we were together.

anyway, i went to compass with adelena, kellyn and delphine. ade's sis met her there. it was not bad. in fact quite fun. we saw augustine and wen de. i tink we injured wen de. sorry wen de. bought stuff from popular and had something at burger king. leaving me broke. hey kellyn! dun damage ur pot poster ah! haha! ok i got lyk dnt to do and maths homework. and i have revision to do. prelims coming. haha! yes! allison is revising. cool huh?!

<3 5:55 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

we have broken up. its official on thurs but i am starting to realize how crappy that is. ppl ask me if i am affected and i feel lyk saying duh! stupid question rite? but i don't do that. it's just not me. but we will still be frends. aft i convince myself not to breakdown whenever i am ard him. and it is probably a good thing it's over. this relationship build on lies has finally come to an end. i tink that if i ever had another relationship. and it's with a 'right guy', and if i don;t lie through it and stuff, it might juz succeed. coz i realized that all my relationships were pretty much built on lies. but i will get through it. i will do my best anyway. seeing him every wed is not gonna help much. but i will try.

now wld be an awesome time to start studying and stuff. being fact that prelims is less than 2 mths away. if i get into acjc, i get a camera from my folks. how cool is that?

went to wild wild wet yst. it was fun. met theora and dawn there. and we pretty much had a blast. the constant struggle with the tubes was the best part if i must say so myself.

then for today, i went window shopping again. i have a mental note of everything i want to buy. haha. must juz remember to go back.

gonna go now.

<3 3:31 PM

Saturday, June 18, 2005

acjc dance night was juz great. better than great. it was wonderfully great. gwen was good. all pink and good. went with jia min. it was fun. ate pizza hut. my first real meal in two days.
went to his house in the morning till abt 2. did stuff. but that was that. i dunno where this is going anymore. whether i am winning or still losing.

juz let things go with the flow? and wait for the day.

<3 11:00 PM

Thursday, June 16, 2005

i tink everything will be fine. even if the break up occurs. i saw him today and it was ok. i had fun. the band is so fun to hang out with. i must do it more often. frend of the band? hah! i dun feel so bad anymore. seeing him this sat again. his house. that is it for now.

[jayem] i dunno if u will read this or not lah ; thanx for making me stay ; things got better. ur the best.

<3 7:32 PM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

it's 3 in the morning, i tink i will do tat third person thing again. it's actuaaly exhilarating, well kind of. lyk i am counselling myself or something.

allison is awake at 3 in the morning. this is nth lyk yst when she woke up at six. not at all. last nite she slept. tonight she hasnt even slept yet. of course she has tried, but to no avail. her eyes hurt from crying and her nose hurts from sneezing. but she tinks her heart hurts the most. everything that reminds her of what she will be missing out if he leaves her makes her cry. aaron says he is not worth it, but she has decided that if he can say the same abt his ex, then only will she agree with him. jia min says he was not serious from the start, aaron feels the same way. aaron also tinks that he might still lyk me and is afraid that the break up will get harder, so its better done now than to wait. but allison is not sure. she juz doesn understand how less than a mth ago she was the love of his life and less than a mth later she became nth but a frend. she is confused. so many things running through her mind. she tried to be casually intimate with him today but that backfired. he said he didnt noe whether to treat her as a frend or gf. it hurt her so much. she said gf and he asked her if she wld want someone who did not love her holding her hand. allison has done that before. allison has befallen such malign before. so she does not really mind. but its different this time, she cant do it. not lyk the way she pushed herself to colin. she respects him. and she wants him to have his way. if he wants a breakup, she isn't gonna stop him. she calls it sacrificial love? she is not going to die for him, oh no. do not get the wrong idea. she juz wants him to noe that she loves him. allison tinks he already noes though. and she is at a lost. she almost got upset with him on tuesday, but she saw no remorse in his eyes lyk she used to. allison juz kept smiling. allison is wondering if he does not break up with her, and the relationship continues lyk this, will she be strong enough to hold on? she has no idea. but she tinks not. it will probably tear her apart. but allison tinks she will do it, no matter wat other ppl say. this is where allison admires denise keller, she was able to listen to her frends. allison is asking for so much advice and everyone says to let go. but she refuses. why won't she let go. she needs to let go. needs to move o faster than him. but she wants him ard. she wants him with her in sajc. and if they make it she wld not mind giving up law to go to uni with him. but he has ns, therefore no giving up of law. allison juz doesn want him to go. allison loves him.

woah! super long entry. pls read the one below as well. more third person entries to come.

<3 2:59 AM

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

allison is stupid, paranoid and over-possesive. she tends to drive guys away. the guys she drive away all juz happen to be her bfs. she is losing him. or perhaps she has already lost. fyroz's says it's his loss. but she doesn't think he feels the same way. the mum in seventh heaven said that they all come back. but do they. let her ask u this, when have they ever come back.all they did was left her heartbroken. maybe it's not juz her feeling bad, maybe they feel bad too. but somehow she doesn't think so. they get over her as fast as ppl get over a piece of tissue. yep! that fast!. she has been through 7 bfs and not one has proved her wrong. juz proved how stupid she is. it hurts even more when they make so many promises they can't keep. allison wonders day and night, how people can stay in relationships that last more than three mths. she wants that! and she thought she found it. guess she was wrong. if only she knew that jealousy was the root of his love for her. then she wld not have made him stop. she wld have been more concious of the fact that the more jealous he was the more he loved her. allison doesn't want to lose him. allison doesn't want to be frends. what allison said before was a figure of speech. he always said it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. allison does not wish that she had never loved but she doesn't want to lose either. allison is seeing him later. what does she do? does she take his hand and lie right back in his arms and lie to herself that everything is going to be ok. allison misses the way he calls her siily gurl and she doesn't want to lose her baby. allison doesn't want to become the depressed little girl she was last year. but allison guesses that she might juz have to be. no matter, at least allison still has people lyk fyroz who care. but allison doesn't want him to go. she wants him to stay. wants her to mean more than juz a frend to him. cld be possible or maybe not. colin said when there was hope, one was expected to hold on. is there any hope left or is she juz deluded. she sure hopes she isn't.

ok. i juz wrote that in third person. i tink the about-to-happen break up is already getting to me. until the 28th of june. what will it take to change ur mind?

<3 6:46 AM

Sunday, June 12, 2005

first up! teresa and theon's chalet party. it was a real blast [i tink i say that abt eveything]. we got high on 'orange juice' and 'water'. and as teresa says i threw up twice due to 'food poisoning'. it was a real wreck! but all in all it was great fun. hey guys, next year since i am legal and all, i will buy the stuff k? bottles of breezer, peach to be exact or orange maybe. my favourite.

friday went to sch for english then came home and did english. then at night went to cvc and came home.

sat stayed at home the whole day, then at night went out for dinner.

today i went out early, the atmosphere in the house is pretty much hell on earth. met tricia, ran into glen. went to ps, met miles, and sat at burger king. waited for teresa. they went to watch movie. tricia and i went to eat ice cream and waffles. went back to church, mum and dad not there, stayed for woprship. then went to ps to look for glen, teresa and the rest. walked ard for abit then took mrt with teresa. she stopped at orchard and i stopped at toa payoh. took bus, came home, said bye to dad and andrea. now here. talked to tim on msn. stupid convo. he is from oz. and the stuff at spotlight are juz great.

[maybe it is time we became juz frends ; coz maybe if we were frends ; u wld spend more time with me]

me and my sis [duh!]

<3 3:42 PM

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

wesley camp was a blast! simply sensational! definitely better than last year's camp. we had some young apprentice game and jotham and i were elected the young apprentices. yayness! u are looking at a possible aysgl. then we ate durian. alot of durian. and had a really good fun night. it was rather stressful and stuff but everything turned out ok. there was no repeat of last years fiasco so i had a ton of fun. made new frends too. i tink i have my own fun club. muz thank a few ppl, kathi, kristi, theon, teresa, and not forgetting the wonderful elisabeth [correct spelling rite?], tiffany and tricia, and the rest of the youth there. thank you guys for making camp great. and the birthday for theon and teresa was really fun too. going to their party on thursday. cant wait! and that is that for camp.

yst had el seminar. was with delphine. the composition part was interesting and the compre part was juz simply hilarious. mr green is so funny. a whole grp of guys there tried to get my number. it was so funny. and shocking coz its never happened before. then went window shopping with delphine. really never spend a cent juz made mental notes of the stuff we wanted. dragged aaron along. hah! was suppose to watch movie with him but decided to follow delphine. but it was fun nevertheless. and abriel my dear boy, if u read this pls dun get jealous. u ditched me anyway. but dun worry, i still love u.

at night went to raffles city and ate dinner with mum and sis. cafe cartel! and i applied for the discount card. its so nice. later going back there again to shop. sis and i allowed to spend $100 max. cool huh? i tink my mum is going crazy. spending all this money. so unlike her. but who's complaining. are u? coz i am not!
gonna go bathe now. meeting him in awhile. toodles :)

<3 10:47 AM