+ rock my world +

redeeming valentine

2009-02-15T22:51:00.003+08:00

together with the passing of valentines day, follows the returning of hope and glimmer to the awfully depressed.

i think, last year, i wrote an anti-valentines day post. i can't quite remember though, will have a look a little later.
anyway, this year i came to a few conclusions on valentines day. the hard ass cynics are usually, if not all the time, single. and there is no one couple who will not deem valentines day, a day to remember and commemorate.
sure it's a day where boyfriends have to spend a lot of money and where stores and individuals go all out to capitalize on the love dollar. it's also, possibly, the only day, excluding anniversaries of course (although, sometimes valentines day seems more important), that a girlfriend can complain and kick up a fuss about not feeling special and get away with it.
and yes, i know girls usually get away with complaining and kicking up fusses, but more so on valentines day than on any other day.
valentines day has also been commercialized and capitalized upon, to the point that it has lost it's purpose, reason and value and become, as most people put it, overrated.

although, one must admit that, the cynicism is hypocritical. anyone who is attached, would probably have all the same views, but never stand by them because it's a day of free-for-all love. and what more could a couple ask for than a day dedicated to love or the act of it.

so, even the cynics must agree, valentines day makes the lack of companionship even more depressing, and it bothers them no matter how stupid they try to believe the day really is. i'm also pretty certain that valentines day is ultimately lame and stupid to those who have no reason to celebrate it. no one really gets valentines day or it's importance until you're in a position to enjoy it, and not plotting a more apparent attempt on suicide.
i wonder if anyone has ever commited suicide on valentines day due to sudden extreme depression. or better yet, i wonder if anyone has sued anyone for not making them his/her valentine. heh.

hello stranger

2008-12-16T11:57:00.003+08:00

so i'm here again, staring at the date, wondering what on earth happened to my love of weblogging. recently non-existent apparently. i guess there's no longer a need to want to tell the world everything. the whole act of it has become rather mundane and redundant. nevertheless, i'm still here, alive and kicking. for those who still care. and i shall put pictures up, the easiest way to take up space.

IKEA with my lovelies [1]

IKEA with my lovelies [2]

i pine and i yearn, but for what i'm not sure.
your laughter and words resound in my head.
i'm a little girl when i'm around you, younger than everyone else.
and you constantly, never fail to, ammuse me.
i've fallen for you a bit too hard.
and even now, i cant decide what is it about you that makes it so difficult to let go.
i need new perspective, or at least,
i need to remember what i want, or am suppose to want.
because you're not what i'm suppose to be looking for.
but i yearn nonetheless.
and again, just like before, my heart weeps.

the "call everyone baby" disease

2008-12-03T01:12:00.003+08:00

ok. i know, i haven't blogged in an awfully long time. forgive loyal readers (as if i have any. heh)

boy oh boy, so much has happened. like ally says, we have so many bad ass parties that all our activities seem to be all rolled into one really long day. we can never remember which day it was that we did what, but i'm loving every moment of this really long day. i love all my lovelies.

my first test of the semester, was the most exciting thing ever. i dont believe it took me 3 years to have my first exciting ICA. better late than never, huh?! apart from that, i really don't have very much to say. haha, i probably did have stuff to say on the days that i actually wanted to blog but i got lazy and eventually forgot.
knock yourself out with pictures. i always say, if a picture speaks a thousand words, then you have a novel right here.

timmy's birthday party

we partied, got smashed, and woke up for ballsy burgers the next day.

asia pole summit 2008

the "already infamous" and "ever-so-entertaining" pole wipers.

KPP @ wild wild wet

i love the little kiddies

jose called me today with KPP in the background, "hi ms allison". totally made my day. i walked back to class with a ridiculous grin on my face. aww, they are the most adorable little things i have ever met. and i love them so much. and i'm so certain that i'm still going through KPP withdrawal symptoms.
i've also already started to go through "lack-of-chrystelle" withdrawal symptoms. oh man oh man, i'm so so very very sad that she's leaving. and to think that i just met her. i'm so going to bawl buckets at the airport.
IKEA tmr is going to be a freaking blast. in the meantime, i have a project to finish by, hopefully, tmr night. and staying over and po po's house until saturday is not going to help much either. to top that off, my computer just got introduced to a virus that i cant seem to pinpoint so i cant seem to clean out. and no one at home is willing to help at all. i really need a new computer. and my sister totally has a new computer (dammit). but i'm sure, what she has will not be enough for me. but it's still pretty awesome compared to my dying laptop. [out comes the ugly green monster-which has been happening a lot lately]

oh, and ever since i went to wild wild wet with all the cutsie babies, i'm calling everyone baby. it's really ok if they're girls, but it sounds really weird if they are guys, and it has happened on more than one occassion in the past two days.
assessment tmr for the dapees. all the best to them. makes me sad that i'm not one of them anymore. but jose says i will always be a dapee. aww, love =)

*HOMMYSASON LOVES MS CHRYSTELLE ALL THE WAY*

falling back into old habits might cost me friendships again. i really don't want that. but avoiding old habits might cause the exact same reaction.

just because

2008-11-13T00:35:00.003+08:00

with great insight that my sister's friends have so quickly written me off as someone who does not read their blogs, not realizing that she uses my laptop (don't you just love internet history). well yea, i haven't done this ever, because i thought it was kinda stupid in secondary school and because everyone else was doing it. so this is just to prove the point that i do go through my sister's things (hur hur) and just for fun. [for the record, my sister showed me her friend's blog, and i don't go through my sister's stuff. not all the time anyway]

here goes nothing (every pun intended)-:

#1. What would you do to a nerd who just confronted you?
i'll tell him that the math test results were out and he failed. that would probably destroy the poor guy. i'll add on that i passed, just for kicks.

#2. What's the first thing you do when someone gives you a wedgie?
won't happen. i'd probably scream and jump away (or possibly drop-kick the stupid person) before it can even happen.

now i tag: (oh how ceremonial) to anyone and everyone who has way too much time on their hands, or has some kind of point to prove. i know i did. rawr =)

457 days

The Days Of My Week =)

2008-11-12T01:09:00.002+08:00

monday is DRESS-day
tuesday is LONG SKIRT-day
wednesday is NO SCHOOL-day aka FREE FOR ALL-day
thursday is DENIM SKIRT-day
friday is DENIM SHORTS-day

no, i am not very bored. and no, you may not laugh at me or make fun of me.

*things are so bad now, i don't know how much more i can take. i can't really decide if the feeling i will get from giving it up is worse than how i feel now. but i'm still not convinced that i'm prepared to go through it all again. it was hell on earth the first time round, and still feels that way sometimes. i know i'll survive it, but i'm just not sure if i want to go down the route of survival all over again. it was way too painful the first time, and i'm certain the "first time" is far from over.*

458 days

2008-11-09T18:47:00.004+08:00

i just imported my whole blog into facebook. did you know you could do that?! the whole system never fails to surprise and amaze me.

crazy party night yst. all hail totally awesome mums, too much alcohol and an oddly well used, brand new, deck of cards. if we keep forgetting the cards, chrystelle and timmy, and whoever else's house we decide to go crazy at, will have quite a few decks.
tech class in the morning was horrid. okay, fine, exaggeration. it wasn't horrid, but i swear that up until this morning, i had no idea that the room really can spin. i always thought, "i see the room spinning" was merely a figure of speech. oh boy, was i so so very wrong. and, lucky for me, hip hop was not crazy difficult. but, i still think i hip hop like a retarded chicken. think of a chicken, now think ofthe same chicken retarded, it's really kinda funny.
i got my sisf'08 t-shirt. it's nice. haha. THANK YOU WENDY! you are so totally awesome and colin too, of course =P.

all that aside. i am still alive but definitely terribly stoned. and really sleepy too. but before i go through any cheesy ceremonial goodbye-s, all of you have to see something really cool that i found.

i was walking down the metal staircase on the outside and saw DOLLY TAY when i looked down. pretty cool huh? does anyone, besides dolly, know it's there? i've never seen it before because i usually take those steps at night, but yea, it was kinda funny.
we know one thing though, no matter how innocent dolly is (appears to be. haha), we know for a fact that she has lot's of experience in staking her territory.

461 days

2008-11-02T00:45:00.002+08:00

so here's the thing. i don't celebrate halloween. haha. firstly, i respect the whole deal about halloween being satanic and have learnt very well that one should not meddle with satan. secondly, anything that is scary, scares me [like, duh], and i think halloween is scary. on top of all that, i have issues with dressing up and looking stupid, not even if i had a very good reason. unless i was on stage for some performance, then i won't really have much of a choice. and unless the costume's really hot and i look very hot in it [stop laughing], which is very rarely the case, then again, i have never tried so i cant really be much of a judge in that area.

anyway, the purpose of this meaningless (halloween dissing) pointless post. i'm looking through photographs of some who actually did bask in the weekend of halloween and realized that so many people choose to dress up as female characters. i say so many because, the guys are doing it too. are there not enough male characters that are worthy of a halloween appearance? if all the women dress up as female characters and a huge multitude of the men decide to get in touch with their feminine side, on the one night when nobody will say anything about them, then what happens to all the male characters left out on a limp?
being a hot blooded female [an awfully rarely used term], i actually happen to think male characters can be pretty endearing. haha. then again, coming as superman or batman would probably be cliche, and coming as freddy or chucky would not only be cliche but freaky and scary all at the same time [isn't that the purpose of dressing up for halloween?]. so i guess, even halloween is a feministic celebration. women really do rake hell on earth.

468 days

2008-10-19T01:37:00.002+08:00

totally abso-fucking-lutely psyched.
freaking awesome party. freaking awesome people.
although, i'm still pretty stoned, but all's good. all's good.
cant wait for the next party, maybe there'll be pictures this time. hur hur.
i have a very incriminating video of timmy though.
and my private after party was pretty good too.

and today i said, "the double sided tape is not working. my drop keeps topping."
indeed, so totally zonked out.

482 days.

2008-10-16T06:25:00.002+08:00

today i was at plaza singapura and, from the third floor, i saw hougang secondary school girls on the escalator to the first floor.
it sure brought back a flood load of memories and for a moment there, i smiled.
i miss the juvenile hurt one would feel back in the day, even though it was still pretty much a mystery, at least it was frivolous and shallow. a superficial wound heals on it's own in a matter of weeks, sometimes days and eventually, even the scars disappear.
boy oh boy, this thing i feel, it's definitely internal bleeding. i just dont know the source or the cause, and thus cannot find a cure. because last i checked, i've been rid of all its symptoms.

you are sad that i wasn't going to show? suddenly you are reminded of my existence? when it suits you? gee, i am really touched.

485 days

2008-09-29T21:56:00.003+08:00

and it is finally over. let us not need therapy for the post-production withdrawal symptoms that we will be suffering really soon.

legenda singapura was definitely a blast and very very worth it. i hold an umbrella, no doubt, but it was still an amazing experience. as always, made some new friends, tightened old bonds and had a ton of fun. k-box was a pretty good way to end the entire thing. as said by jeremiah, there is a high chance that legenda singapura may become more than just an open stage performance, and who knows, i might get to do more than just play calafare. a girl can dream, can't she. pictures below, knock yourselves out.
Legenda Singapura [1]
Legenda Singapura [2]

on another note, i think i will be spending the most of this week at home. i'm supposed to have an interview with a kindergarten to teach dance to pre-schoolers, but the employer has yet to call me, so that's still very uncertain too. apart from that, i got accepted into the Developing Artiste Programme under jitterbugs, so after this week, i'll be spending a lot of time at jbugs for the next one year.
i'm still waiting on word about my module status for school next sem. i'm sure everything will work out. hopefully.

502 days

2008-09-22T15:14:00.002+08:00

no blog entry in two weeks, must be some kind of record for me in a long time.
i really don't have much to say, or rather, i have a lot to say but i just don't feel like putting fingers to the keyboard (pen to paper, get it?). i mean, when has it ever been that i have nothing to say.

so anyway, my b'day celebrations have been over as of last sunday, pictures can be found at the links below and together with the rest of the picture links by the side.
birthday '08 [1]
birthday '08 [2]
birthday '08 [3]
birthday '08 [4]

finally a day without rehearsals, but i must admit it feels weird, i keep looking at the clock wondering if i'll be late for something. singapore river festival has been an interesting journey, rather fun, i must add. even though i still can't help but feel that i should be doing more than just holding an umbrella, i'm still having a ton of fun. it's really tiring though, but the rewards are well worth the exhaustion. the production, however, has made me really question my abilities as a dancer, wondering whether i really am only fit for a calefare position or did i just flop my auditions? am i a dancer who can salsa or am i just a salsa dancer? i've been reviewing videos after videos and making endless comparisons with my fellow counterparts, and it'd obvious that i'm not half bad. but it takes a toll on you when a well known choreographer doesnt feel the same way or when your friends dont think that you're good enough. it's hard to believe in yourself when no one else (that matters) seems to believe in you. the demoralization has made me come to wonder, since i have decided i will not be doing this full time, is it worth my time, money and effort just to wind up disappointed in myself?

enough said.
singapore river festival's legenda singapura will be performing the whole of next weekend at 8pm at Central @ Clarke Quay. the whole item is really nice, so do drop by and take a looksee if you get the chance to. it's been given rave reviews by the public, so i'm sure it's worth watching.

and again, with my woes, i suffer sleepless nights.
509 days.

2008-09-07T21:21:00.002+08:00

careless whispers.
never going to dance again the way i danced with you.

makes me wonder, why is "dance" a word that is used almost as frivolously as the word "love"? as cliche as it sounds, that line seems so real to me. coming from a dancer, trust me when i say, i perfect partnership on the dancefloor only happens once in a lifetime. not because it can never happen again, just that it will never feel the same. it's almost like falling in love, and that falling out of it. leaving your heart to search endlessly for the same feeling. this is where, "every love's a different experience" is very real. not that you will never be able to find perfection again, just that it will never be the same as before. it works the same way when we are searching endlessly for perfection. keep searching for something that will aid the rediscovery of that ever familiar feeling, and you will never know perfection even if it was standing right in front of you.
makes sense?

524 days.

2008-08-31T22:34:00.004+08:00

my holidays seem to pass by really slowly. i haven't decided yet, if it is a good thing or a bad thing. today marks the end of the first week of my holiday. it's either i really don't have anything to do or i'm doing too much because it feels like a whole two weeks have passed.
F1 launch was a success, sadly there's no video but i think it turned out pretty well. shopping on friday with gret was pretty awesome. i rarely shop, like buy a whole lot of stuff and spend at least a $100 in one day, so the feeling was rather euphoric. one to savour for sure. got my hair rebonded on sat together with madz. GB gig was a ton of fun. but, secret garden after was the absolute icing on the cake. look out for pictures on facebook. now i'm patiently waiting to be picked up for supper, i'm very hungry.

birthday updates: [this is just for fun, really]
finished celebrating with the family last wednesday. bought lots of stuff for my b'day, clothes and shoes and underwear. haha. this sat is my "countdown to midnight party" at no.5 with just a few people. and then the huge blow-out [i hope] on the 13th. went down to giant at parkway today to check out beverage prices. and i bumped into kelvin, with baby isaac. i haven't seen isaac since SISF last year and back then it was just a picture, so it was a real treat for me.
anyway, i turn 20 in exactly one week. oh boy oh boy.
and yes, if you have not guessed it yet, aging is a very big thing for me. =)

530 days.

2008-08-26T12:10:00.003+08:00

the newest edition to the little mermaid movie series, ariel's beginning.

i loved it. just like i loved every other little mermaid movie. i just love her.
every girl's allowed a disney princess to fall in love with right? and i love the little mermaid. always have and always will.

oh, and i'm a sucker for a good cartoon. haha.

536 days

2008-08-22T15:44:00.002+08:00

done with my papers. i feel interestingly braindead and mentally exhausted.
but my immense fear of become very stupid by the end of the week, ie today, did not come through. which i see as a very good thing. i do feel awfully tired though, but then again, that could be due to lack of sleep coupled with non-stop marathon sneezing. and yes, my nose really hurts.

the papers were pretty ok. i actually did study for them, thus the interestingly braindead feeling. compared to last sem, a lot less going on and no one to talk to right through the night. and the need to do something to keep my mind distracted all paid off well, i think. although, i never managed to conquer calculus, which actually starts in 7 mins time. better luck next time i guess.

running through my whole list of "what i should have done", "what i could have done", "what i wish i did", what i wish i didnt do". the end of the year, or academic semester tends to have that effect on people. but i'm happy with the outcome of my exams this round, and i hope it is enough for me to finish off all my modules next semester. like i always say, more impossible things have happened.

next up, my very busy month of september. or at least during the weekends. i'm really looking forward to it. also looking forward to saying i'm 20. haha. in about 16 days.
now to start off my holidays, i shall go pack my bags and leave for zelia's. first up on the weekend agenda, F1 gig at meritus mandarin.
and oh how i wish you could come. i guess you would if not for your DnD, but it wouldnt be the same. i miss you so, but i dont know what i'm missing exactly.

540 days

2008-08-16T03:46:00.003+08:00

sleepless in singapore.

heavy eyes coupled with a heavy heart means no sleep.
it's times like this i wish i could just drop by union square, drink till my 1.30am heart's content and dance it all away.
then come home, too stoned too think about anything. waking up the next morning, feeling like crap for all the right reasons. splitting headache and aching legs. too much pain all round to think about the aching heart.
without it, all i have is online tv and another sleepless night. no appetite for instant noodles, but the bottle of cold strawberry milk that daddy brought back today is serving me well.

it was too short and extremely uneventful for me to feel anything. i cant decide whether i'm happy or sad. it's almost as if my heart's on a fence swaying back and forth, weighing pros and cons. and when you say something like "pros and cons", you know you've watched too much gilmore girls.
i'm fine. he was right. and yet, i still wish things were different. but better now, when my head's still in control, compared to when i start listening to my heart. when my head loses control to my heart, i do pretty crazy things "all in the name of love". look at where it got me with jason.
so, i know he was right. and i applaud him for doing what he did, because i would have never done it. rather live in bliss than soil it with potential unhappiness. and there wasnt enough emotional baggage to make it difficult for us to go right back to before, but i still wish things could be different. wish it would have worked out somehow.

happy too early perhaps.

545 days.

2008-08-14T11:21:00.002+08:00

now i remember why i don't absolutely hate the olympics.
i still don't like it very much, because the olympics and i have our differences. like how it takes up all of channel 5's airtime, but i do not absolutely hate it.

the olympics's saving grace, male swim events =)
yes yes, i'm a shameless ogling girl and mighty proud to admit it.

548 days.

2008-08-10T10:00:00.002+08:00

so i had a very interesting dream last night, and some part of this morning.

there was love, a shopping mall, roller blading in the shopping mall, one of my secondary school teachers, disaster, monsters, an evil villain who hypnotized his victims and made them his slave, and a car that could drive on land, fly in the air, and even in the sea. oh, underground too. and not forgetting, the power rangers.

i told you it was interesting.

552 days.

2008-08-05T21:16:00.004+08:00

finally watched the mambo kings. really good movie. [but the video i got had really bad audio, i bet i have the shape of ear pieces printed in my ear] it only covered half the book though. so if you have watched the movie, go read the book. if you have read the book, i assure you, you will love the movie.

it was interesting to see the book come to life, it was very well re-enacted. even though it was only half the book, everything thing was there. probably why they only produced half the book, if not, it would be an awfully long movie, not that i would mind. haha.
it was also really awesome to see famous singers on screen. singers i've only heard of and danced to but never seen before, like tito puente and celia cruz. oh oh, and i got to see desi arnaz jr, erm, he was playing his father? heh.

oh,and Beautiful Maria Of My Soul. maria in the movie wasnt really very pretty, i thought delores was prettier. nevertheless, it is an amazingly beautiful song. and i absolutely loved the movie. though, it still cant top el cantante.

557 days.

2008-08-03T06:18:00.000+08:00

and to think it started over supper. =)

559 more days

2008-08-01T02:35:00.003+08:00

two words. el cantante and wow.
[technically, el cantante is spanish for the singer, so 3 words. haha]

el cantante was an awesome awesome movie. it is the biography movie of hector lavoe. the very first salsa singer to make it big/huge in new york. it was a tragic story, very much like that of the mambo king. only difference was that the mambo king's story was fictional, this was a biography. made it that much more amazing. very good job by marc anthony. J Lo was J Lo. heh. nothing impressive, but she was pretty good too, playing the not-so-psycho gf/wife.
and i realized that even though hector lavoe's songs sound so cheery, they are actually very sad when translated. it's as if, he literally sang his pain away.
but he was one really screwed up musician. which makes me wonder if they were all like that back then, and how much the world of fame and fortune has changed since then. whether it has really changed at all.

anyway, salsa fans and hector lavoe fans and marc anthony fans and possibly J Lo fans, should all catch this movie. it is by far the best thing i have watched this year.

absolutely loved it.

561 days.

2008-07-27T18:41:00.004+08:00

today i got filmed. and it was absolutely hilarious. never again will i make a fool of myself at the airport. but it was pretty good fun.

i have yet to understand the very short conversation i had with douglas last night. out of the blue and very odd. i'm having trouble deciding between "not thinking straight" and "drunk", i mean on his part. but for what it's worth, he has never initiated any conversation with me since we started talking in january, so i'll give him an A for effort no matter what the situation was.
maybe it'll lead to another private party. heh.

delirium was pretty good. props to the drama team. there was the usual bliss and depression, somebody died as always, but they did it again. i got a a little freaked out, but not enough to get nightmares, so for that i am eternally grateful.
deliruim 08

i have officially spent my week's allowance before the week has started. i think i will be able to survive.
and tonight, my hair will experience dual coloration all over again. it's been awhile.

566 more days

2008-07-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

a fateful bus ride.
i didnt even see it coming.
at the most common of places no less.
the tears that streamed. though i held back till i left.
at least, we passed with "hi and bye". and even managed a smile.
brief no doubt, but still a smile.
part of me wanted to slap you, part of me wanted to sit next to you and say hi and ask you how you were doing. most of me just sat there, glued to the chair.
i guess it was for the best.
i dont miss you. it just hurt to unwillingly remember what i had willingly tried so hard to forget.

will it ever stop hurting? does the pain really go away?

569 more days.

2008-07-23T01:24:00.002+08:00

today i thought of you. it was a passing thought, but it was still about you.
i really should not be thinking about you.

570 more days.

2008-07-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

singapore river festival. here i come. whee =)

572 more days

2008-07-20T20:10:00.002+08:00

oh my, it was a pretty awesome day.

573 more days.

2008-07-19T04:46:00.002+08:00

yes. 4 in the morning. haha. i think my favourite singer will be gwen stefani really soon. [i hope someone got that].
although, my favourtite song right now is by gloria estefan [and no, there was no joke there]

i just cant sleep. i'm fine though. just cant sleep. i hope i dont collapse due to exhaustion.

two years. i'll be fine.

2008-07-17T08:20:00.002+08:00

8 episodes of gilmore girls season one. and instant noodles at 4am.
no sleep for almost 24hrs. [it will be 24 hours as of 11.55am]
and now i think i will go for a swim. maybe 4 laps, if i make it through that much, and then hopefully drown myself in the jacuzzi. metaphorically speaking.

i am guessing, i'm not someone who deals very well with being sad/upset/angry/depressed. or at least, i deal with it by watching non-stop online tv. if i was in the states, TiVo would be my best friend. gee, TiVo was miranda's best friend when she was lonely. [ie miranda from sex and the city] oh boy, that must be it, i must be lonely. heh.

and for the record, i havent slept yet, so it's still wednesday. dont argue with me. as far as i am concern, it is 8.30apm, wednesday.

2008-07-13T05:22:00.002+08:00

i think the highlight of tonight was not the concert. it was meeting up with bennerick. and having supper with him. didnt realize how much i miss the guy. it was nice. really nice. haha.

the concert was pretty alright. there were some parts that weren't very good though. but the choreography was impressive. ben and i were like, eh eh that one is by ryan, and that one is definitely by gin. and, why that choreo look so ian ah? haha. like i said, good fun. and turns out that i know more people in emix than a thought, mei en for instance. i saw her mum at the toilet. interesting huh?! hmm. i wonder if i will ever make it there.

salsa street jazz choreo is looking up on paper. and i just heard that ADS is coming in to teach BE, and possibly gupson. wow. learning from gupson for free, it's almost too good to be true. gonna try and get back into BE. like i said, the salsa seems to keep coming. all on its own. i dont even have to lift a finger. i wonder if he will remember me. heh.

2008-07-11T01:35:00.005+08:00

so we're brought up to believe that love will find a way.
then why do those who believe in that to the death, always end up faulted with pain and misery?

when is the love really worth fighting for? and if it's love, why the need to fight and endure the pain and suffering? havent we also been brought out to believe that love is bliss? since when did "love hurts" become a slogan to live by?

2008-07-09T02:22:00.002+08:00

my gosh. who the heck do you think you are? talking to me like that? what is it your not happy about? that i work? that i'm not involved enough? you could fill an ocean with your biasness. and let me tell you this, my well is empty. i hate the way you do things, and your running us all down with you. you have no right. what happened to professionalism? what happened to the endless support that i tried so hard to give? what reward have i reaped exactly. i really have no freaking idea. time and time again i hear so many reasons why people cannot stand you. do you not hear them, or have you decided to ignore them because you feel that we're just jealous of your post? every tear you've dropped we've caught it and showed concern. giving you face at this point is us being nice. and trust me, there are a lot of us who are being nice. you've become just like him, but you're even worse, because at least he gave us something and produced results. start shaping up or we will not hesitate to ship you out. and i will head the rebellion if i have to, because i have personally had enough. your direction and actions have resulted in a massacre. one that we should not have to be involved in.

2008-07-07T11:33:00.003+08:00

and my weekend came to an end. don't you just hate it when that happens?

i must say, this was a rather eventful weekend. it was douglas's house one friday, for my very own private party, good clean fun? haha. on saturday, we headed to MOS to to throw jingwei a farewell of sorts. i havent decided if it was a farewell to his civilian life or his pride, ie his hair. sunday morning, i had an audition at jitterbugs for a performance during the singapore river festival. i think the everyone got through the auditions, still waiting to hear from them though, i really hope i hear for them. excited excited. haha. sunday night, a bunch of us went over to jing wei's house to aid in the removal of his pride. i never knew cutting someone else's hair could be so much fun. tiring though. although, that could be due to the serious lack of sleep over the three days.
and that is my weekend all summed up in one paragraph. go see photos if you want a few more thousand words on my weekend.
ministry of sound pictures
cutting hair ceremony

back to school today. and i didnt wake up for lectures. but i'll have to go for the rest of my classes, so i'll be leaving soon. heh.

WHAT WAS I THINKING? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING QUESTIONING ME? WHO IS HE? YOUR BOYFRIEND? WHO ARE YOU? HIS GIRLFRIEND? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP? DONT YOUR EYES HURT FROM CRYING? DOESNT YOUR HEART FEEL FRAIL FROM ALL THE PAIN? DONT YOU WANT IT TO STOP, OR ARE YOU PERFECTLY FINE LIVING IN SUICIDAL INTENT? YOUR SO MUCH BIGGER AND BETTER THAN THIS. WHY IS IT THAT YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO CANT SEE THAT? YOUR LETTING HIM HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU, FOR WHAT? HOPING THAT ONE DAY HE'LL SEE THE LIGHT? DONT YOU SEE THAT HE IS COMFORTABLE WITH HIS SITUATION? HE HAS IT ALL, THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP EVERY HOT BLOODED MALE WANTS. HE HAS THE GIRL WHENEVER HE FEELS LIKE IT, AND DOESNT HAVE TO CARE ABOUT HER WHEN DOESNT WANT HER. MAYBE SHOW ABIT OF CONCERN ONCE IN AWHILE AS A FORM OF PAYMENT OF SORTS. HE DOESNT WANT TO SEEM LKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE.
YOU DONT APPRECIATE IT AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE? I DONT BELIEVE YOU COULD EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND THAT IT WAS INTENTIONAL. IT SORT OF HAPPENED AND TURNED INTO A PHOTO TAKING SESSION. AT LEAST FIND OUT HOW IT HAPPENED, INSTEAD OF GOING STRAIGHT TO DEFENSE. AND HECK, YOU'VE TAKEN PICTURES LIKE THAT OR BEEN IN THAT POSITION WITH SO MANY OTHER GUYS. AND I GET RIDDEN BECAUSE THIS ONE'S YOUR'S? CORRECTION, YOUR EX BOYFRIEND? DONT YOU SEE IT? YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. HE HAS STOPPED. UNTIL YOU DECIDE THAT YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, HE WILL NEVER STOP WHAT HE'S DOING. YOU'RE MAKING IT TOO EASY FOR HIM.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN? LIKE I SAID, WE'RE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO ROOT FOR YOURSELF AND STOP ROOTING FOR HIM?

there, i've said my piece.

2008-07-05T18:02:00.002+08:00

it was nice seeing him dance. he looked the same. as impressive as ever. as cheeky as ever. absolutely the same.

i must admit though, it really sucks to see him so happy. doesnt matter if it's for real or not. it just really sucks to see him so freaking happy.

i ask again, why is it that he had so much more on the line than i did, and yet, i seem to be the one who has lost. maybe not everything, but i still feel i lost.

2008-06-29T23:35:00.003+08:00

is it a way of life to fall into traps of love and come out of them with the notion that it was just another lesson learnt? are we not smart enough to avoid such traps and thus avoiding these "lessons in life", that half the time we do not need to learn?

2008-06-29T03:17:00.002+08:00

so i've heard that they look fine. in fact they look pretty alright and normal. and believe me, i am very very happy for the two of them. but it does make a girl wonder...
why is it that he had more on the line than i did and i was the one who lost everything? everything that mattered to me at that point in time, anyway.
why is it that he's feeling all better now and i still feel like shit?
whether he really is feeling all better is not the point. i guess the questions are just food for thought. probably, in some odd sense, i feel that justice was not served and the innocent got punished. ok, fine, the not-so-guilty got punishes, not exactly innocent.

the choreo is looking pretty good. the second set of partner work has already gotten praise, and has been tested on the social floor. nixon made the "very jerinne and jason" comment though. haha. i guess i cant help it either. whatever i know i learned from them.
big big thank you to yee shan. haha. i hope he picks up the choreo very well and i can have a nice video of the two of us dancing the choreo. add it to my archives.
oh, i'm starting a video blog of all my dance performances, so it will be like a video portfolio. shld be up soon, or eventually, whichever suits you better.
on a more obsessive note, my very first choreo actually looks nice, has gotten praise, and is deemed "not very easy". looks like i have talent after all. heh.

here's a thought.
i wish life came with lecture notes and we would all have a lesson plan. so we can decide which are the lectures we want to attend, and which we want to skip. like how people say every mistake in life is a lesson learnt, if only we could decide which lessons we wanted to take and which we could do without.

2008-06-24T20:51:00.002+08:00

so i said, "you know what i miss the most about him? i miss talking to him. i miss his witty remarks. i miss his sarcasm. i miss his ability to put forth a convincing rebuttal. i miss listening to him. i miss having him around to listen to me. i miss the friends we were more than the lovers we became. i mean, of course i miss the physical factor of the relationship too. it was too good not to miss. but i miss the emotional the most. i really miss my friend more than anything."
gosh, year in year out. my story is the same. i pulled this out from an entry from two years back. sounds awfully present and familiar, don't you think?

i actually have a minute and a half salsa choreo to do up and finish by this sat. it's for a couple going in for some talent competition. the first showcase is on sunday. first hsbc, then this. the salsa just keeps on coming, doesnt it?

anyway, my salsa demo was a flop because no one came for the last class. felt so bad for getting douglas down. i got to dance though. and the lack of social dancing is awfully showing. all the old problems that i took forever to get rid of are back. sigh. i need to find an alternative to salsa that will keep me from rusting. any ideas?

here's food for thought. it's kinda long. pretty much true. and very hilarious. although, on my part, no.2 is a little heartbreaking. off to finish cvsom assignment and maybe start brand management project. enjoy =)

50 Reasons Why Salsa is Just Like S-E-X!
50. You go from person to person to person, and you still haven't found the right one.
49. You do it with someone with no chemistry and you just cannot wait until it's over.
48. Everyone has his or her "own" style.
47. Older people have trouble keeping up with the younger ones.
46. When you have alot of excited people in the same place, everyone wants to start passing partners around.
45. It's great to do it with music.
44. There's always a new move you've never seen before.
43. You don't like it when your partner shows no emotion.
42. You fantasize about doing it in front of large audiences.
41. You like to watch others...
40. It's fun to watch your partner do it with someone else.
38. You like to be spun reallllly fast (use some imagination :)
37. You think about it day and night and you just can't get enough of it!
36. You do it ALL NIGHT LONG and when you are finished, both of you are hot, sweaty, and completely exhausted.
35. You get cranky if you're not getting enough.
34. You keep track of the time/days/months since your last encounter.
33. You start charging your services by-the-hour.
32. You're teaching others the correct way of doing it.
31. Eye contact is important.
30. Women need to give ample resistance (okay, now I'm ducking punches!!)
29. Remember: The man is in control.
28. It's a turn-on for the guy to watch two women do it.
27. The more you do it, the better you get.
26. Nothing beats experience.
25. There are numerous websites for it with graphic pictures.
24. You smile just thinking about it.
23. You go to the club to get some.
22. Its intimidating doing it with someone better.
21. Sometimes, you don't even know your partner's name!
20. The great ones are respected.
19. You will travel great distances for it.
18. Women quiver at the opportunity to do it with a great one.
17. You get injuries, bruises, and scars and you tell yourself, "Oh well, that's just part of it."
16. It's good to be loose before starting and warmed up before the real performance.
15. When you are known for being good, you have to keep up your reputation.
14. You want to share your experience with others.
13. You have partners that don't mind being used for practice or enjoyment.
12. Partners/friends stop by your place for a quick fix/good time.
11. Your neighbors complain about the noise you and your partner make.
10. After you have done it with someone really good, you just have to tell all your friends.
9. You accidentally left one of your belongings at your partner's house.
8. There are "protection" rules, but no one seems to follow them.
7. So many men/women, so little time.
6. It's best when you both are on the same beat.
5. There's nothing better than doing it with a pro...
4. You can have multiple partners, as long as your current partner does not know.
3. It's a real turn-on for the man when the woman takes control.
2. You never forget the first one who taught you.

..And the No 1 reason why salsa is just like sex IS :

1. Happiness is having lots of space to manoeuvres.

2008-06-22T13:41:00.004+08:00

1-5 > smart cards
6 > toilet card
7 > 7-up
8 > thumb card
9 > rule card
10 > question card
J > hey jack
Q > hey bitch
K > down the whole cup
haha. i must admit that i am utterly amused.

jx, si min, big jon, ah ben, rachel, huda, jing wen, ian, sabrina, jasmine, jo, veronica, cheryl, mel, brian, cindy, david, annie, xiao qi, nadia, june and chu leong. [to anyone who i missed out and might read this, my sincere apologies]
small gathering. pretty awesome party nonetheless. ended of with a deck of cards, a bottle of jack daniels, two bottles of coke and an endless supply of water. the 3-4 hours of sleep was pretty eventful too. trying to territorialize the blanket, not get pushed over and not freeze to death. official end of with a rude awakening of bright lights. channel 8 cartoons which became kids central after the chinese cartoons became unbearable. a slice of coffee bean's raspberry cheesecake and breakfast at the foodcourt. like i said, all in all, it was a pretty awesome party.
oh, it was also very uplifting to proudly announce, "wo bu shi fb de." haha. made my invitation that bit more special.
btw, it was chu leong's 21st b'day chalet. celebrated together with his dad. and i sat at the back of a lorry just now. so cool. like roller coaster. haha.

although, going back to downtown east was a little bit haunting. the last time i was there was for sisf. i held back the tears and suppressed the achingly depressive,nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach. and desperately pushed away all the happy memories. which are evidently flooding back right now as i type the very words, "happy memories". what can i say? it was the best time i had last year. that and musical. boy oh boy. it makes me wonder, let's say i do get it back, will it ever be as enjoyable if i dont get to do it under their wing? then do i really want it back? is it really just dancing for me? just a talent that i have and want to make good of? heh. i guess i'll never know until i actually do get it back. anyway, an uplift to that point, i'll be doing a salsa demo for the hsbc building group on tues with douglas. i really hope they come back for class. comtech had one person on thurs. heh.

and one last, really random, question. can you get a belly from drinking too much or does it only work with beer?

2008-06-15T00:04:00.002+08:00

incredible hulk is pretty good. you need a big screen so hit the cinemas and don't bother with the measly laptop/pc screen.

today's fight, rather one sided actually, with the father led me to wonder if we ever really free ourselves from painful memories of the past? i'm sure i'm fine by now, and i think i've, moved on from all of it. i've been dreaming about him the past couple of nights though, but i wake up thinking "what the?" i dont yearn anymore. i dont even think about it, hardly anyway. but any small mention, like today, and i retract with fear that it might happen again. as if, suddenly i box up my heart and put it under lock and key, and for a few moments i just hate myself for what happened, hate him for what happened.
do we ever let go of our past and move on? are we capable to look at our mistakes and say, "actually, it was just another lesson learnt."? is it ever really that simple? do we intentionally let it affect the way we live and the choices we make to remind ourselves about the pain that it caused, so that we dont do it again? if we do, then i must say, that is one heck of a painful way to live.

i'm so scared to be around you. you're an ex bf, and maybe you dont know it, or have decided to remain oblivious to it, but i still have pretty strong feelings for you. and now you're attached. and being around you, so close to you, just reminds me of how much i missed out. what i never got to experience. reminds me of what you deprived me of. the worst part is that i dont trust myself around you. i actually have distrust towards myself. especially when you say inappropriate things that make me wonder why you ever ended it in the first place. because if anything happens intentionally or unintentionally, it would be me and an attached guy. and i dont think i can deal with another attached guy scenario right now, or ever.
at the same time, when you say inappropriate things, inappropriate because you're attached, you never live up to it. telling me that i mean so much, that im different from the rest, that i'm the only girl this and i'm only girl that, then you turn around and forget to call when you say you will. tell me week after week that we'll catch up soon and never set anytime to meet. always too busy. so i wonder, if you care so much, you sure have a hell of a way of showing it.

on another note. i have evidently found comfort that comes in a box of 32 in a form of mini bullet like structures. go figure.

2008-06-12T11:11:00.003+08:00

my sex and the city series rush was definitely worth it.

haha. yes. if you figured that i locked myself away and rushed through 6 seasons of sex and the city, you were not exactly wrong. firstly, i did not lock myself away, and secondly, i only made it to season 4 episode 4 and subjected myself to reading detailed episode guides of the remaining episodes. but i must say, my efforts were not in vain. if you didnt enjoy sex and the city, you probably didnt watch the series. or you probably didnt do your research before watching. it's interesting when asked if people have ever watched the series, some say, you mean it's also a drama? heh. actually it's a comedy drama somewhat. why do you want to watch it? because it sounds glamorous and you've heard stories about it? and you go in to the cinema not knowing anything abt it, and come out thinking, there were so many loop holes, not a very good movie, there should have been more explanation on certain situations. shame on you. therefore, efforts not in vain. in fact, i'm pretty darn glad i completed the series before watching the movie. it was all worth it. probably the best movie i've watched this year.

and before sex and the city, i watched kungfu panda. it was really funny. but you really need to enjoy watching cartoons. it wasnt an animated movie like madagascar or shark tale or shrek, it was a really long cartoon. but it lived up to what a cartoon is suppose to be like, colourful, entertaining, extremely hilarious.

oh oh. i passed my basic theory. and i've already gotten my provisonal driving license, which is kinda dumb because i dont exactly have the money to start the classes yet. heh. but it's nice to have. will see how things go. so i'm finally allowed on the roads of singapore. somehow, i cant decide who should be more scared, me or the roads.
and in all of that God has just been so so very good.

gret's b'day party was pretty awesome too. but the martinis at no.5 are just too strong. not really very nice. then again, i'm more of a margarita girl. and i met samir, who is suppose to call me to go have drinks with him and patrick. hopefull he does. because i cleverly forgot to take his number. oh how i miss my beef-mozza tofu.

to top it all off, a nice B+ for my IPP. thank you patricia =)

2008-05-31T11:26:00.003+08:00

okays. i am suppose to post up pictures. haha.

this is what happens when dancers get really bored and have msn at their fingertips.

performance was pretty good. and my fave take away picture is (drum roll please)

i still think it looks like some facial wash advertisement. or dove shower foam. haha.

other than that, things have been pretty quiet. although i'm quite certain that by tmr, i would have lost the ability to walk properly.

pretty awesome huh?!

2008-05-25T22:06:00.002+08:00

i'm sitting in the yellow chair. because green + red = yellow. if you don't get it, means didnt go to church today. or you didnt go for wesley ym's service anyway.

the pas few days have been pretty good. pastor raymond davey on friday was absolutely awesome. just like monday. but on monday he did impartation. or friday he had general ministry. so it was pretty incredible. and apparently, God says i have a sense of humor. God thinks i'm funny. haha. how cool is that?
saturday was spent battling international cross cultural management, and treated with lunch and cheesecake with mad and gret. the cheesecake was alright, but the food is still pretty good. and lunch was lovingly on gret. then it was back home for some sleep and trying to battle sub-mortgage.
sunday morning was rather sweet. i finally satisfied my long long craving for mcgriddles. and breakfast with hubby. greeted in church by warm "hello-s" and awesome worship from shadrach. project christwalk wasn't too bad either. my fav design is probably caleb's squiggly line one. haha. and jeremy seaward's sermon was pretty good. and he's the kind of pastor that you will not mind if he goes on preaching forever. ok, maybe forever is a bit strong, but you get the point.

and for dessert, we will have a double dosage of business finance and marketing research. awesome huh?!

2008-05-23T16:32:00.002+08:00

yeasterday i had a pretty good dinner with my parents. and i watched indiana jones. and today i watched made of honour. next up in sex and the city, kunfu panda and who knows what else. haha. focus on the list on the right, it is a fact that i love watching movies.

and life has never been better. after yesterday, it will only keep getting better. it's finally all over and i feel this incredible weight lifted off my heart. i haven't felt this good since, i don't know when.

btw, indiana jones is pretty good. esp if you're a follower, which i am not. but my parents are, and they loved the movie. made of honour is true to itself, being a chick flick. but i must say, it was more PS.I Love You rather than 27 Dresses. so there were teary parts. at least i cried. haha. but then again, denise has concluded i cry all the time, so maybe it's not a very good point of judgement. heh.

raymond davey tonight again. oh boy, i just cant wait.

2008-05-21T14:00:00.002+08:00

pastor raymond davey was absolutely awesome. cvc was over flowing with the anoiting of God it was overwhelming.
and that was how i spent my vesak day. in the presence of the Lord. there was truly no where else i would have rather been.

went for my first dance prac since i started teaching class. it was really refreshing but much torture. too long too long. but i feel really good now. i guess i can't take dance out of my system because i love it so much, and i know people watch. and if you're a dancer and you don't like to be told you're good, and you don't like to show off, then i would tell you to stop wasting your time.
i still like salsa the most. because i know i'm really good at that. not amazing. but really good. and i really miss it. but dancing is dancing, beggers can't be choosers. and my prior training with the studio and at jbugs have taken me pretty far. zelia suggests i talk to fen or sam about coming for the tech class on wed. but class at cvsom starts june 4th. and i want to go for that course. so we'll play by ear and see how. besides, wednesdays are better for me than mondays. but i like watching me dance. haha. sounds a little egoistic, i know. but it's only after i started salsa, that i liked watching myself dance. that i feel more confident. i guess because all salsa dancers are trained to look good and show off. haha. which is a good thing, mind you. i think i have improved.
so even if i never make a career out of dancing, it can be my lifelong hobby that i'm pretty good at. haha.

2008-05-18T23:02:00.002+08:00

speed racer was freakin awesome. haha. the makers of matrix definitely lived up to their name of special effects. oh, and goodl ooking guys.
this is one of those movies that you must catch in the cinema. it needs the big screen, if you get what i mean.
and i know two people who would absolutely get a kick out of the movie, with their constant need for speed and all. kl to sg in two hours right? haha.

things have been alright. not amazing. but i'm getting there. for a starters, i'm eating properly again and i had my first night of awesome sleep last night. so awesome that i almost didnt get up for church. almost didnt get up, i say again. and now sunday is here, i'm looking forward to an amazing monday with the prophetic revival meeting and all. the week ahead already has heartbreak and heart ache written on it, but i've got the most powerful person on my side. nothing can go wrong, even if it does get me down. hey, i'm only human. (excuses, excuses, excuses)

i met up with jon last night. or early evening rather. managed to get him to come for healing service. i wonder how he's doing. he was pretty sick last night. had dinner with him. then sent me home and he went back for an early night. at least, i hope he did. it was nice. last time we hung out like that was in '06, and around the same time. funny huh?! anyway, i just hope and pray that he gets better soon.
prayer going out to patty too. but i think she's doing a pretty good job having it all under control. sometimes it takes someone to lose control in order to remember who is in control.

so here's the thing. i'm kinda glad you're attached in some sense. if not i would be holding a torch of hope. and wondering whether i could make you change your mind in one month. and knowing fully well that i cant, whether you were single or not, would break my heart. and i think that my heart's been through quite enough for sometime. i also think that right now, if i get into anything with anyone, he needs to be around too. can't have him flying off anytime soon.

2008-05-14T22:50:00.001+08:00

whilst on the bus today, i was singing the song "come now is the time to worship". have you ever realized how amazingly powerful that song is. it says that NOW is the time to worship. does not matter where you are, who you're with, or what you're doing, as long as it is a representation of NOW, it is the time to worship. which kinda means that every time of the day, every minute and every second is the time to worship. and the song says, "just as you are come before your God". JUST AS YOU ARE, isn't that amazing? God doesn't need you to be cleansed and sanctified before you come before Him. just as you are, in your sinful flesh, you have every right to come before your God. with absolutely no condemnation against you. and you would think that the most important part is, "one day every tongue will confess you are God, and one day every knee shall bow", but i think the most important part is the next line, "but still the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose you now". every tongue may confess and every knee may bow but the greatest treasure is only reserved for those who choose Him. and just as you are, in your sinful flesh, you are allowed to come before your God and the greatest treasure remains for you who gladly chooses Him. JUST AS YOU ARE. don't we serve and amazing God?

2008-05-14T22:05:00.003+08:00

i'm moving in reverse, under your mighty curse
i hate myself for loving you
i turn my head away, but my heart will remain
till the day i learn you're no good for me
-abstract from 'no good' by kate voegele

relevant. although, i don't hate myself for any of it. one thing i have learnt to do is not hate myself for doing anything. i guess, to some extent, the hardest thing to accept is that we make mistakes too. we can forgive everyone else for doing stupid things and making stupid mistakes, wondering why their brains had left them at that point. so when we make a stupid mistake, we find it very difficult to think that we ourselves, are capable of stupid mistakes. of not thinking before we act. or only thinking after we have acted. i ask myself everyday, desperately wondering why it happened. wondering why i thought it was ok. wondering how i, someone who finds difficulty in hurting a stranger, could turn around and hurt a friend so deeply.
i know why i did it. i have a full blown explanation. and i know why i thought it was ok. i just wonder, why i never saw the other side. the part i should have seen. the part i knew was there all along. the part that i would preach to someone else who was in my situation.

i had my first meal, in two days, just now. adam park, i had to eat. all my favorite foods, a little bit of forceful discipline had to be instilled, i didnt eat much though and i'm not hungry again. i'm guessing tomorrow will be another foodless day. to top that off, i'm becoming mildly insomniac. i finally understand the meaning of being tired and not sleepy. douglas was right, it is possible. i lie in bed, and it takes me about two hours, give and take, before i actually sleep. it's happen a couple of nights already. and usually, i would get up to do something that would put me to sleep, like watch videos or something. but the energy escapes me. i can barely get out of bed, even going to the restroom seems like a chore. but i close my eys, and i keep them shut for a long while, before opening them and realizing that i am still wide awake but very very tired. which means that it's really late by the time i sleep and i go through day running on lack of sleep. and, much to my dismay, fall asleep in class. and have no energy to do anything for the rest of the day, except feel like sleeping. i come home, and the cycle repeats itself. i could not even fall asleep on the bus the other day, imagine that.

2008-05-13T20:36:00.004+08:00

i haven't eaten the whole day. on the contrary to being hungry, all i wanted to do the whole day was throw up. and i still fill kinda sick. i'm all cried out, with tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes to prove it. and i pray with all my heart that i will be pulled out of this pit that i'm in, whether i want to be pulled out or not. the tears came with reason, i won't go as far as saying it was a good reason, but reasons nonetheless. i recieved a very very cold email. very professional. as if i were just another customer or client. well, i hope he was well serviced, in that case.

dinner @ ivan's on sunday went pretty well. kudos to ivan, mag and ian. and of course ivan's mummy. although, i still think he should have done it next sunday because monday is a PUBLIC HOLIDAY. haha. but ivan was right, putting it on mother's day meant that lesser people would come. cheaper party. it was all good. although, the apology that ended my night was absolutely uncalled for. and has yet to be explained to me. but i had a pretty good time, and would not mind doing it again. next one would be a bake out @ patty's place. haha. so she can finally try her hand at lava cake and have people there to finish it for her.
pictures of all the food and some of the people are to your right.

i saw her yesterday. i was walking to the bus stop at royal thai embassy. i looked up and saw her just as she looked up and saw me. it's a good thing i decided to cross further down the road, if not we would have literally crossed paths. which would have been awkward, interesting but awkward. i reacted with my uncontrollable facial expression of fear/disgust/dismay, i'm not sure which one, and looked away. i didnt really look at her long enough to see any substantial reaction, but what i did get a glimpse of was sheer shock. sigh. and to think, if i bumped into her like this at the same time last year, i would have run up and said hi, and maybe even thrown in a hug. just goes to show, one year is not a very long time. and a lot can happen/change in just one year.

class today was pretty good. i think i like the tuesday group better than the thursday one. they seem smarter, somehow. heh. but it was good. i'm not doing an amazing job, but i'm not doing a terrible job either. i need to find time to take a class of my own though. my classes at jitterbugs are somewhat growing called and rotting away.

2008-05-09T10:45:00.003+08:00

when your heart's been to hell and back
you just want love
nothing more, nothing less, just love
and you want it to last forever

here's the funny thing, in order to heal the heart that's been to hell and back, we yearn for the very same thing that put it down in hell in the first place, hoping that this time it will be different.
oh the irony.

2008-05-08T22:01:00.002+08:00

you know what i should not be doing? i should not be reading my archives. i should not be reading my archives because they remind of how happy i was. how is that a bad thing? well, it's may. so i read the entries from may 2007 and that is where it all started. the good life. the one i miss so much. the salsa-life. there isn't one entry that holds back the excitement and exhilaration i got from salsa. not one entry that doesn't say how much i love union square or how much i wish i could go. i don't cry anymore. it's pretty pointless. crying all the time. i sure good way to waste a lot of water, if you ask me. but i still think about it, and i still remember it, and i definitely, sure-as-hell, still miss it. i'm desperate enough to join in with the xen crowd. but i know it's not the same. it will never be the same. not even when i get it back. if i get it back. did i mention? the salsa entries also, almost, always mentioned how much fun i had with them and how the both of them took care of me. how, because of the two of them, everyone seemed to take care of me. and i have proven, union still does take care of me. the phrase i caught was union-baby.

every few nights i have the same dream. i dream that i'm making things good with her.
he's never involved. only ever appeared in one of those dreams. but we didn't talk, barely said hi. i remember not liking him very much in that dream. but the dreams of making things good with her are getting more and more frequent. i have half the heart to pick up the phone and give it a go. the scenarios are different but the storyline always the same. every time i wake up wondering whether maybe, just maybe, there is some truth in those dreams. that we might actually make good. who knows, it could happen. things like this, have a funny way of catching up with us eventually. it's driving me a little crazy though.

all of it still hurts. i'm not quite sure why anymore. but it still does. and i've started thinking about him again. i haven't for a long time. i've been the good christian girl, doing my quiet time, going to church. did the occasional going out and the occasional drinking. and btw, i haven't a drink since labour day. the fact that i haven't had a drink because there hasn't been anything or anywhere to drink is besides the point. but recently, the tears have started again. crying myself to sleep till my eyes are all puffy in the morning. i don't miss him. i just still feel so hurt. i still don't understand how anyone can do what he did. i suppose i will never understand, because i would never do it to anyone. so i don't know how he can. and i keep wondering, i actually fell for this guy. was my judgment that blurred. how did the guy i fell for turn out to be so heartless. i can't take into consideration that maybe he can't be heart full because he's in no position and he has to throw me aside and not care. because i would not know. i really wouldn't. and i can only judge someone with what i know. and no one has given me any reason to think other wise. except when i remember what he was, then for a split second, i think otherwise. and for a split second, i think it's ok.
i got kissed on labour day. heh. i think it meant more to the guy than it did to me. i guess i really do have a problem saying no. which is not a good thing, btw. it's how this whole mess started in the first place. but this time, it was more of an obligation. he was being so nice, i guess i felt bad not giving in a little. and it really was a little. gosh. i sound like a date rape case about to happen. time to go for classes on "saying no".

today's class was ridiculously painful. i hoping that i would have more guys. and i did, i had two guys. and 6 girls. 1 girl decided to be a guy which made that count 3. it was easier with all girls. only one side and not much to teach. now with guys, i had to teach both sides and we didn't get much done. i need help, but i have absolutely no where to go. and i need slower songs by tuesday or things are not going to get any better for me. all my slow songs are still too fast. i wonder if audacity or firdaus can slow them down for me. hmm.

and for the record, i've gone back to long entries with recounts of my life, with minimal discretion, because i am quite sick of having so much to say but nowhere to say it. and unlike some people, i happen to find a great thrill in spilling my life over the internet. for whoever to read. and if you think it is about you, then so be it. if you're name isn't there, you can never be too sure, now can you.

2008-05-06T21:09:00.002+08:00

stressful. exhilerating. perspiry.
heh. dibs on the last one.
even with the aircon seemingly at full blast,
i was sweating like a pig.
but that was pretty much
what my very first class felt like.

remember that three month long job i mentioned?
5 ladies,
easily 10 years older than me.
i did it like how i remembered it,
whenever i watched.
or at least, i think i did.
all went pretty well.
when i started with the partnerwork,
things got easier.
people became more relaxed,
i became more relaxed.
there were no guys.
and only me,
so partnerwork took up a lot of time.
which was a very good thing.
i almost thought i would have had too much time.
and from the smiles i got at the end,
i think they found it good too.
i hope.
next class on thursday. will be better. heh.

do not watch dance of the dragon.
unless you absolutely love fann wong.
or any of the other people in the film,
and will find pleasure in just staring at them.
it was such a disappointing film.
i would call it,
the most disorganized singapore production.
timeline wise.
it was hardly believable.
there wasnt much proper dancing.
and their final dance was kinda crappy.
although, seeing derek and brendan on screen,
was kinda funny and amusing. haha.
oh oh, i saw belman dancing with his partner too.
in their blue costume.
that was nice.
it's funny seeing people you know personally,
on screen. haha.
esp when you dont know their in the film.

okays, the night is somewhat young.
the agenda?
one tree hill
gossip girl
and calculus
i'm actually looking forward to calculus.

2008-05-03T19:28:00.002+08:00

ironman was alright.
it was not terrible.
but it wasn't exactly great.
a very humanitarian superhero.
a man trying to right his wrongs.

unbreak my heart is, probably,
the most ridiculous thing i have heard.
almost sounds like black mail.
or even a guilt trip.
all hail tony braxton.

no personal attacks.
some sad people,
just dont like to be reminded.

2008-04-30T00:00:00.002+08:00

it's only when you lose it,
then you realise,
you really hate people talking about it.

so i hope you don't ever lose it.
because you will not be able to take
the pain you put me through.

salsa this. salsa that. dammit.

2008-04-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

i‘m right here.
next to where it all started.
wondering why i never said no.
wondering why he never restrained himself.
wishing it was that night again,
wishing i could take it all back.
my skin, now salty from streaming tears.
that night seemingly replaying over and over again.
my heart pains.
filled with guilt, hurt and remorse.

please take this pain away.

2008-04-25T17:57:00.002+08:00

want to know how to bring down strong,
independent office women?
throw a really cute baby into the equation.

haha. for the record.
i love babies.
they make me go weak in the knees.
it's just really really amusing.

although, who can resist valentina.
such a gem.

2008-04-25T11:02:00.004+08:00

so it's the last day of attachment.
i'm bummed.
it's a little sudden, i guess.
haha. of course i saw it coming.
i even counted down to it. week after week.
what's sudden is probably that i will never be back here again.
i mean, from my past jobs,
i always had some reason to go back to say, "hi".
but, school starts on monday.
no one thinks it's fair.
trust me, i absolutely agree. haha.
but having things to do, and being busy, could be a good thing.
and not having full days of work, is definitely a good thing.

so, my take on attachment?
summer fling, maybe.
made my attachement interesting. and bearable.
i suppose, what happens during attachment,
stays within attachment.
after i leave for the last time, i'll be year 3.
embarking onto an old life as a new person.
it's like an end of another chapter in this soapish novel.

going back to life.
full time student and part time dance instructor.
if i still have my job, that is.
i have some work from may-july already though.
i think i've grown up.
i mean, put a 19 year old through what i went through,
i bet they'll grow up too.
you kinda have to, i guess. wallowing never helped anyone.
so onward i go. twenty i shall be. eventually.
simply because, september isn't here yet. heh.

you have probably read, if you actually read,
that i'm a very free person in the office.
so i blog-hop. and blog-browse.
and everybody's going on and on about wonderful club crawl.
how united they all feel now.
and how good it feels to belong in a club that feels like family.
i remember, you know.
i remember a time when i felt that way too.
it was not too long ago. when i had that feeling of family,
and unity. and thinking that i will never forget it.
funny thing though, i dont remember it anymore.

time to fish in the depths of my intelligents,
and hopefully catch a good IPP report in the next 3hrs.
and tonight, will be my second and last MB event.
MBC's second anniversary.
i think i got the best spot for attachment.
with much to take away from it.
a true learning experience, both in and out of the office.

2008-04-18T10:12:00.003+08:00

you go on attachment for 2 months and 3 weeks.
and you hardly ever make it to work before 9.15
because you just cant figure out the bus schedule.
then when you finally do,
proudly reaching your desk at 9 every morning,
you realize that it's been 2 months and 2 weeks,
and you're attachment is pretty much over.

go figure.

which evidently has become my favorite phrase.

2008-04-14T10:21:00.000+08:00

things can only get better.
here on out.

2008-04-07T09:31:00.003+08:00

a grand prix race has 57 laps.
i admire people who can find pleasure in watching the whole thing.
because, i still do not get it.
other than that,
bahrain grand prix was an interesting experience.

and belly dancers in sg have yet to prove me wrong.
belly dancers are not suppose to have six pacs.
it was utterly disappointing.
and, all the wrong things were shaking.
double cantoulopes, as someone called them.
it's called belly dancing,
not boob dancing.
please get it right.

whiskey and coke did not taste as bad as i remember it.
but i still stand by the fact that,
anything mixed with coke is not nice.
whiskey and ginger ale however,
is a totally different story.
my third glass though was all whiskey.
with just a little bit of ginger to add colour. heh.
now that, was bad.
i'm still not a fan, unless mixed with green tea.
whiskey is way too strong for it's own good.
but there wasn't anything else to drink.
and when the drinks are free,
i say "drink!"
and i actually had to nurse a hangover in the morning.
go figure.

i'm starting to believe,
i drink too much.

2008-04-04T17:12:00.002+08:00

green tea latte is good for cramps =X
the starbucks in singapore has terrible cinnamon roles.
i miss the ones from malaysia.
erm, maybe that was coffee bean.
heh. i can't remember.

i am so ridiculously bored.
i haven't been this bored at work for such a long time.
there aren't even any newspapers for me to cut.
i miss the busy period.
like the past couple of weeks.
i need busy now.
you have no freaking idea how much i need busy.

and for anyone who is interested,
i'm single and fair game again.
not that anyone would actually be interested.
oh screw it!
never was very good at selling myself. heh.

and what is the point of all this again?
oh wait. what was i talking about?

and with that, i rest my case.

2008-04-01T20:40:00.004+08:00

my chains are gone.
now i am free.
my God,
my Savior has ransomed me.
and like a flood,
His mercy reigns.
unending love,
amazing grace.

i have a bruise on my left ankle.
i kicked/stepped on myself while dancing yest.
i distinctly remember,
sometime back,
marc, jason and even seph,
or maybe even andy,
and i think colin too,
all laughing at my ability to step on myself while dancing.
absolutely convinced, i am the only dancer they know who can do that.
what can i say,
it must be a uniquely rare talent.
thus, it must be a good thing.
[false fully comforts thy self]

2008-03-27T22:46:00.006+08:00

i dont like to call strangers.
calling strangers makes me nervous.

oh. and i got my LG KU990 Viewty.
it's pretty cool to use.
and i have yet to learn the many functions of the camera though.
and i want more touch screen games.

i have concluded though,
once you use an absolute touch-screen phone,
you tend to think every phone's screen is touch-sensitive.
can be a little bit embarrassing. (guilty)

2008-03-21T15:24:00.004+08:00

start. food for thought.

*some men love soccer. some men love salsa. some men love both.
note, only straight men can salsa properly. all men who think that salsa is gay, are either gay themselves, or just do not have the guts to take it up. with absolutely fear that they might absolutely suck at it. presumably, most would go for the latter.

all men who can salsa. properly and well. i would ASSUME, are very good in bed. after all, as a quirky character from 'take the lead' once said, it's like sex on hardwood. [safe sex no less]

my favorite dance movie, kindly pointed out by rhadji, is dirty dancing Havana nights.

the salsa scene from Step Up 2 was choreographed. i'm living in denial, but i really feel for those who really think it was impromptu. and dont tell me that it didnt look very nice. it was amazingly good effort for a movie revolving around street dance. and the whole group of them were so freaking hot.

concluded. bachata is a "one night stand" dance, keeping in mind the "sex on hardwood" concept. it becomes a "lifetime" dance when the couple is blissfully in love, better yet, happily married. salsa, on the other hand, though can be danced with anyone, it is best danced with recognition. the kind that only results from blissful love or happy couple-hood.

why is easter sunday called easter sunday? i know it's the third day and everything and all that, but why is it called easter? which is evidently associated with bunny rabbits and candy coated chocolate eggs.

why is good friday good? why is it good when no one celebrated the death of Jesus, back in the day? when he died on that cross, everyone grieved. mary came back on the third day still grieving. happiness and joy only came after his resurrection was told of. so why isn't it black friday or sad friday or bad friday. pretty much nobody, back then, knew that the event that occurred on good friday was good. well, nobody knew until sunday, anyway.*

end. food for thought.

ok. to make things clear, to everyone reading this and making endless speculations as to whether any of the above had direct or indirect relation to anybody they know or might not know, all of the above was the result of being so terribly bored on a good friday. if you are still speculating, go read up the definition of "food for thought".
waiting for one tree hill to load. decided to re-watch the first 3 seasons. since it's been so long ago, and the drama never seems to die out for me. at the same time, waiting for mcdonalds to arrive because i am hungry.
trying to drain out the noise in my house with my music. which isnt working out very well for me. fighting and fighting. not with me though, but not the point. however, i was told, yet again, to go and talk to someone spiritual abt my plight. i dont want to talk abt it. i dont want to re-live it. i dont want to think abt it.
i dont care what you think. i dont care who you are. i dont want to talk to people who will tell me things that i already know, things that i dont want to hear. so stop asking. really, please, stop asking.

there is this invite on my facebook, and i just stare at it, all day. i click my requests and i stare at it. just stare. when the event is over, it disappears. which will happen to it after next saturday.
if i say i'm attending, it will make me feel better that i'm on the list. even if it's gravely untrue. but i cant do that, too much drama. and no one's going to believe that i just clicked it because i didnt think it was real because it was on facebook. if i say i may be attending, that's just false hope, and usually people say that so the person who posted will not feel bad. if i say i am not attending, then everything will just be so real. so much more real than it already is. and i cant remove it from my events, i cant click that button. clicking it, gives it a premature death. i lose the ability to decide what i want to do with the event invite. it doesnt matter that i'm not allowed to decide, or that i am in no place to decide. having the ability to decide brings hope. hope that i will get it back someday. and when the event is over, and it disappears, then it's not that i couldnt make it or wasnt allowed to go, it's because i took too long to decide.

back to one tree hill, which takes a terribly long time to load. if it helps anyone to know the state i'm in, i'm dying. slowly but surely. with bursts of life here and there. i'll be ok. in due time, i would presume. dancing keeping me alive. the fact that i have things to do keeping me alive. but it's on days like these, quiet days like these, that the dying seems so much more inevitable. nothing physical, i'm not suicidal. well, not physically anyway. the thoughts are more like wallowing in my misery and suppressing all the pain, hoping that it will hurt so much and induce amnesia or absolutely eat me up inside. both ways, i lose.
i'll be ok. in the end. eventually, everything will work out. everything always works out. it just depends, for better or for worse.

*hear the cries of yearning
where one can only pine
a love that seeps through
just like holy wine
gnawing at the soul, burning
eating it slowly from the inside*

2008-03-15T12:36:00.002+08:00

blessed are the hearts that can bend, they shall never be broken.
but if there is no breaking, then there is no healing.

no matter what anyone says, i still love one tree hill.

it's been an ok week. ups and downs. alot of fighting. sigh. wish there wasnt so much fighting. make some space for happy times. which are very rare. but all is good, i think. i guess. anyway, as good as it can be. and i hope, it is not as good as it will ever be. i'm getting very very tired.
but the fighting had alot to do with me. and things that i did. but heh. doesnt matter. it's the weekend, maybe next week will be better. hopefully.

since i've told my mum, i shall tell everyone else. i'm taking sam's jazz class at jbugs. haha. explains all the 'i love sam'. she's awesome. and super cute. haha. and her class is pretty good. feels like class with peter, just that sam's nicer and definitely not peter.

works been good. now very busy. always have something to do. i'm enjoying the website migration, but it drives me crazy sometimes. but other than that, it's been pretty good. i'm starting to get attached to the place, hate it when that happens. haha. and jeffrey is, by far, one of the most straightforward guys i have ever met. he just says it like it is, all the freaking time. haha. sometimes i wonder if he forgets i'm a girl. heh.

other than all that, life's on a whole has been ok. had dinner with my mum yst, and i had a pretty good time. always like hanging out with my mum. had a pretty good talk with her, and it shed much light on the current situation. made me feel a whole lot better. and i dont feel so lost anymore, or at such a lost rather.
i'm becoming more and more temperamental though. heh. need to try and keep my temper in check. or i keep letting out on the wrong people. i could blame it on PMS like every other girl, but all the freaking time? haha. Perpetual ah? heh. jon would probably call it that, he always said every girl seems to be constantly PMS-ing.

ok. on that note. i'm off. i'm at my mum's office, abt to indulge in her services. heh.

2008-03-10T18:38:00.002+08:00

hearts may wonder and sickness may bring despair, but remember that life passes quickly and a life spent without love is lonely, while the love that a man and a woman feel for each other shines like sunlight in the heart. just remember, your mutual love will always preserve you and it will be your comfort forever.

sigh. been awhile since the last entry. havent been in very much of a "share my life with the world mood". and i've also been busy. yes me, busy. haha. training and all. learning the ropes ard the MB Sin website was interesting. and that's what i will be doing for the next couple of weeks. together with keying and surveys and cutting newspapers. looks like my attachment has finally started.

bailamos was good. kudos to caderas. and they are still, by far, the best tertiary social latin performance team in singapore. all the best to them in LA. what am experience it's going to be, as duckie puts it.

jbugs b'day bash was over the weekend. so i last week i was in mill walk every single day of the week. haha. as if, coming here 5 day a week is not enough. sat and sun too. so old friends on sat. it was nice. sun was better. haha. open house at the studio. 10am-5pm. i swear, it almost killed me. it's been too long. heh. but it was fun, esp when it became an SA reunion for me. and it is proven that i am not just a good salsa dancer [i am ok??? pouts*], i am not half as bad in everything else as i thought i was. but it's the new found confidence too. haha. and and, i love sam lee. haha.

i watched step up 2 on sat. with my sister. it's pretty good. but you need to be a dancer to really understand it. or really enjoy it rather. but, if you are going just to watch the dancing, it's amazing. even the salsa. haha. a cuban salsa scene. i want a house and a family like that. briana evigan is amazing and oh so hot. robert hoffman gained back all the respect he lost from she's the man. he's an awesome dancer and he can salsa. pretty well too. now all i need is for someone to lovingly tell me that the entire salsa scene was choreographed down to the last detail. that will kill my dream for sure. [dont any of you dare. i know it was, but i'm living in denial because i love my dream :P]

alright, think i'll leave the office now. still not sure if i'm going for dance.

2008-02-28T15:34:00.003+08:00

i am sitting in the office, bored out of my wit. barely surviving. desperately trying to stay awake. heh.
pay day today, so rhadji, jeffrey and i decided to have an expensive lunch at coffee club. after being subjected to foodcourt and fast food for the past 3 weeks. haha. good lunch. food wasnt great but lunch on a whole was pretty alright. and i think jeffrey has learnt that whatever i say is damn nice, is usually, or almost everytime, damn nice. haha. also headed over to guardian to get acquainted with condoms. heh. yes yes, you read correctly. i was curious lah. there are so many types, how interesting. but it was a funny sight, two guys and one girl standing in front of the condoms section and inqusitively picking up boxes to read and question the differences. i shall not say who sounded the most educated. haha. but passers-by might have thought it to be a threesome about to happen. haha. gosh. i know i would have. multiracial even. ok ok, eww. i'm kidding. eventually, i slipped away to buy mascara. stupid luh, i bought mascara the other day without checking the colour and turns out it was brown instead of black. and mayb mascara is not nice to use. decided to try out the loreal one.

oh oh. i went to mercedes benz center today. just to tour the place, together with some people from china. nice place i must say. and i met my email buddy, eliza. haha. i email her all the complaints received from the customer surveys. how fun huh?! the maybach car was such a beauty. the space in the backseat is amazing. imagine the things you could do there, in comfort somemore. haha. but really was a really nice car, but quite illogical in singapore. and it's $2.2 mill. samir says you can get at least 4 custom made lamborghini cars in europe for that price. heh. but it was an interesting experience, i liked the workshop the most and all the cctv viewing monitors and the motion sensors demo. oh, and the egg mayo and watercress sandwhich at the end of the tour. haha.

bailamos later. still deciding if i want to risk going down. hmm. anyway, will be out with gdine and a few others before that. we'll be around the area i think. sigh, perhaps. but i dont know, who knows what will come out of it. anyways, all the best to marc and duckie. and all the caderas, young and old. haha.

okays, back to being bored. i've run out of things to type. flipping newspapers and staring at the big screen hoping someone would entertain me with anything, even work. haha.

2008-02-24T23:16:00.003+08:00

you don't need anyone's approval to love someone. so why bother what other people think? yes, why indeed.

fusion 2008 was pretty awesome. tiring, but fulfilling nonetheless.
fusion 2008
there are some really pretty pictures in the album. taken by sam and gdine. and some pretty cool ones, and some very funny ones. heh.
it was a good time of fellowship. reconnected with the dancers from two years back. i would say, closer to my small group. well, i'm making an effort and trying. and one particular friendship has just passed the test of fire. just when i needed someone the most, i knew i could find solace just like i did back during hair salon days and travel agency days =) love you babe.

through with my second week of attachment. 9 more weeks to go. time passing slower than i would like it to. still pretty boring in the office. but it's alright i guess, with sufficient online companionship, i'm good. (shh. keep that to yourself. i'm still not sure if i'm allowed to have IM on the office computer.) haha. but seriously, every other person in the office has some form of messenger on their computers and my supervisor has seen it once or twice and did not say anything. might have something to do with her ever active MSN messenger. hah. looking forward to this tuesdays agencies meeting, it's probably the highlight of every week. listen to people in the industry tell me that when my tutors said advertising was fun and interesting, they were lying. haha. but it is fun and interesting, but the kind of work they have to do and the weird hours is probably the not-so-nice part. gee. i wonder what i'm having for lunch tmr? [rhadji rolls eyes and laughs]

was not feeling well today. it's called my after-performance sickness. headache and fever, extreme tiredness. heh. happens after every performance. hit me the worse after open house, for obvious reasons. i tried to sleep, but woke up in tears. i dont really know why though, maybe i was having a sad dream that i simply could not remember. guess i'll never know, but was pretty teary after that, felt an extreme amount of sadness. and that resulted in everything flooding back in like a re-run of a soap opera. sigh.
but i'm feeling better now, and i think i'll be heading off to bed. teary eyes lead to heavy eye lids, and they always threaten to not open in the morning.

special thanx to all the people who tagged my photos for me. i was tagging and got lazy halfway. thanx esp to stephanie, she tagged most of the dance photos =)
will shall dance together again really really soon. perhaps.

2008-02-16T09:08:00.002+08:00

week one of attachment is over. only 10 more weeks to go. suddenly it feels like sec school again. you know, one term is like 10 weeks? ok. never mind.
it started off really boring. but it has gotten better. i havent cut any newpaper articles in two days. oh joy. and i have work waiting for me in the office on monday. i'm actually looking forward to it.
i've concluded that i will never survive in the "sit behind an office desk" industry as low or high management. the low management hardly gets to do much, and the high management all seem like they have nothing to do. haha. need to run around and be busy. i like being busy. of course, i like the "slacking and doing nothing" part of life, but i cant do that all the time. i'll die of boredom.
so sue me for being naturally hyperactive. but seriously, i honestly do not mind if i am kept busy the whole day and then result in being very tired after that, compared to sitting around and doing nothing and being very tired from that. it's different kind of tiredness altogether. i dont know how to explain it to you, but i think most of you get what i mean.

some activities coming up.
fusion 08. which i am performing in. choreography by kelvin koh. pretty nice. jazz-ish. will have to finish learning it on sunday. because i cant make it for prac on wed and i want to go for the leap years gala on tues with mummy. haha. i wonder what we are wearing.
Bailamos En La Calle. the caderas thing at dxo. i'm hoping to go. just need to settle some stuff to see if i can go. want to go show my utmost support to marc, who is performing. and of course to duckie and all the caderas who i have evidently become good friends with. i miss chloe. haha. and kelly and her made me promise i will be there. so i really hope i get to go. some of the few who rooted for me at DXO. my turn to do the same. so yes, hopefully i can get some things settled and out of the way, and i can go. it will be nice to get a little bit of dancing in too. like storing up for the winter. haha. my last dance has lost its effect on me, i feel deprived. therefore, if i was a salsa bear, i would survive on salsa, and store up for the winter so that when i hibernate, it is all i will be eating, drinking and sleeping. wow. i would like to be a salsa bear. haha.

it's going to be quiet weekend. and i've decided to busy myself right through it so that it passes a little faster and monday comes a little sooner. and i'll probably do that for the next couple of weekends. although, next weekend is fusion already, so i will definitely be busy.
well, i just need things to prevent me from stopping. because, the minute i stop, i start to think. and right now, the last thing i want to do is think. because the thoughts are terribly unpleasant. and some have involved buses and cars speeding in front of centinniel tower. no high buildings or pen knives. yet.

2008-02-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

so that's it.

attachment with cute german interns.
work starts tmr. hopefully.
i'm so bored cutting newspaper articles.

i'm growing fat from lack of dance.
i'm missing so many fusion practices.
i hope i can catch up.

i wonder when i will get sick of koufu.
my mind is still a blur.
and i got a pay increment.

i'm gonna be alright. i think. heh.

and i know you will never read this, but duckie, you still owe me a story. and you promised me it would be good. i'm still waiting.

2008-02-02T14:24:00.001+08:00

i wanted to blog since the performance last sunday, but i was hoping to post up a video of it and some pictures. i shall post a picture, but no video. i still havent watched a proper front view video of the performance yet. heh.

GUPSON SAID IT WAS GOOD. wow. that is also why i want to watch it. haha. and the performance has been getting rave reviews since sunday. i went to union last night, and guys actually came and told me how good the performance was and then asked for a dance in return. cheeky bastards. haha. E Wan [i hope that's how it's spelt, at least i remember her name now] said she was looking at me the whole time and couldn't find time to look at jason. haha. sorry jason.
i'm just really glad that it went so phenomenally well, and that everyone loved it. i hope i get to do it again. and i promise to work on my wrist and close my legs. gupson is still getting at me for it, he walked in the middle of jean and i yst to remind me. consider me reminded.

exams have started. finishing on tuesday. i might have potentially screwed up biz finance but other than that, it's been going alright. now to conquer EFMA, another terror subject. and to top that off, CMS is under maintainence. they pick this freaking time. damn.
apart from all that, life is good. more complicated than ever, but still good. and props to dance company's production last night, it was pretty awesome. for a small club, they did a pretty darn good job. and union last night was just the right way to end it.

2008-01-21T11:22:00.000+08:00

rehearsals to look forward to. right.

performing at DXO on the 27th of january.
ADS farewell party for magna gopal and salsa shines competition.
tickets are $12 now, $18 at the door. inclusive of one drink.
event starts at 7.30pm till late.

i'm excited. i guess.
more scared i think.
the whole notion that the choreo has a rep, is kinda getting to me.
i've had at least two or three nightmares of unsuccess.
and i'm breaking out again, i always break out before a performance.
and it's usually the bigger perormances. heh.
stress perhaps. mummy says it's anxiety. hmm.
just have to practice i guess. since the choreo is already done, there really isnt much more i can do.
pray.

last week of school. if i'm debarred for anything, i will know this week. after this week, i'm safe. and this week still has another five days. i hope i survive. just checked my attendance on friday, it was so terrible. i can only blame myself, i suppose.
union has been boring. go there, stand and stand. no one to dance with. nobody seems to be there. heh. made a few more friends. now my circle is multi-studio-cial. then again, i think it was to begin with, because there really wasn't anyone in dansflava for me to actually mingle with at the beginning. and i mean students, so jason and jerinne do not count. heh.

special thanks to germaine.
for the hoodie that you got for me from hong kong. it was truly an amazing gesture. thank you very much. and pass it to me anytime that is convenient for you. thanks girl. love you loads. =)

2008-01-16T11:48:00.000+08:00

i have not been procrastinating or lazy, i've been really busy. honest. right.

open house is finally over. well, it was over since saturday, but that's not the point. i havent been that exhausted from dancing since musical. it was crazy. however, i think we did pretty well. jerinne's item kicked ass, and we had people from everywhere telling us how good it was. i'm still curious to know what peter said though.
supposed club outing to ben and jerry's turned out to be a "family" outing with jerinne. minus the "parents" because "mummy" went home to sleep and "step-daddy" could not wake her up.
it was pretty disappointing that the usuals turned up for, what was supposed to be, an entire club outing. nevertheless, i had a great time, rather enjoyable. smaller group, more personal outing i guess.
arcade after was rather interesting. haha. then we parted ways. jerinne and i headed to pick up jason and lynda, which for some reason came out as nixon when jason called jerinne, and headed to union. union-ed for awhile, and learned a-wee-bit of the choreo, then went back to the cathay to watch american gangster. which is a pretty good movie, btw.

uneventful, is all i can say for the current week. learning of choreo, which is driving me crazy. it's freaking fast. i flunked two tests, which have evidently proven that if i dont start studying, i am potentially screwed. i am at high risk of being debarred. and to top that off, i'm starting to find dancing in school very pointless. ok fine, so that isn't very drastic. but emotionally, it's indeed the icing on the cake.
i'm tired, my legs hurt, and i have not made a come back from the exhaustion accumulated during open house. but the choreo is scaring me. i'm getting nightmares abt screwing up and i feel very alone in that factor. you know, it's great when you dance a genre that everyone is doing, then when you have performances and things to learn, you have the support of friends. when you dance a genre that friends do not share, esp the ones you dance with often, you find yourself very alone. and you just feel you cannot cope becase there doesnt seem to be anyone else who believes in you. and it's not that they have told you that they dont believe in you, you just dont feel it. because there seems to be a lack of support. and i feel almost helpless. if i was learning a jazz choreo, i can ask someone from dance to help me out with it. but when it comes to salsa, no one can help because it's alien to everyone else.
helpless indeed. and i hope we get it done by this week so that next week will just be rehearsals and no more learning of choreo. and i hope weilin's latin costume works out so that i dont actually have to go and buy one. and if it does work out, i will have to wear my skin coloured heels, which actually kinda suck. heh.

2007-12-31T11:04:00.000+08:00

comparative to my last post, i did not bask in the christmas spirit. let's just say mourning the christmas spirit was more appropriate.

my grandfather passed awayon the 26th of december at 12.10am. he was admitted in the hospital on the 24th of december. christmas eve and christmas were spent in the hospital waiting to hear news. and on the 26th, news finally came. so i skipped christmas this year. had a funeral instead. it's better now i guess. i was never really close to him but it still hurt alot. i remember being close to him once, but that was a long time ago. nevertheless, he was a person in the family and his presence was known, thus he will be greatly missed. looking on the bright side, he's in heaven kicking it with jesus. what better place could there possibly be?!

my consolation to christmas was the party at upper club. i had such an awesome time. i got my hacha y machete, danced with andy, pretty good dance. then i danced with alex, twice, both were lovely. cant go wrong with the guy. and i had a really fun cuban salsa, aerial even. this would be my second cuban salsa, so i cant say that i know better, but it was really fun nonetheless. pretty nice dance with jason too, earlier on in the night. so it felt like an accomplished night. and i'm becoming popular, haha [tsk tsk]. i think i only sat out one or two songs and when i ran backstage to play groupie. so i danced quite a bit, and i didnt ask many of them. so yes, i'm getting popular, and it's not my ego, it's an observation. but it's a good feed to the ego, haha.

the new year starts in abt half a day. have watchnight service tonight, keeping a promise i made last new year's eve. i want many things for the new year. but most of all, i want it to be better than this year. sounds corny, i know. there are already things to look forward to in the year to come though, so i'm sure it will be pretty good. we'll see. haha. i'll let you know how my new year started in abt a week's times.

happy new year =)

2007-12-24T01:39:00.000+08:00

i'm waiting for heroes to load. haha.

it's been a really fast week. and with the number of projects i have, i'm surprised the sense of urgency is only speech deep. other than that, i'm really busy doing a whole load of other stuff.

saturday was probably the most eventful day of the week. started off with zelia's juice party. turned out to be more than just a party, zena started an intervention for zelia. shows you how much she cares. even though she does it with 'not much love'. it will all be ok, i hope, i pray. what more can i do?
ok ok, on to my ground breaking discovery of tangy watermelon juice. i made watermelon juice with star anise and soda water. i ate alot of watermelon too. and i ate mango too. in fact, i think i ate more fruits than i actually juiced, much less drank. heh. but it was good fun, very good bonding time between the seiors and juniors and for the old people that were there. like anselm for example, it was a good chance for him to get well acquainted with the juniors.

after that, i was off to xen. went there for awhile only. had one bachata. my first dangerous bachata, actually collided into people. or they collided into us rather. then a techno tango performance. my points of view, under circumstances as such, will be kept to myself. headed to union ard 11 plus. danced for quite abit. had a 'throw-me-here-and-there' dance with lesley, really tiring but it was fun. later lesley apologized for being too rough then i said it was ok. he was flabbergasted, "you mean you agree i was rough?!" haha. then he continued, "it's ok. i like it rough." well, i rolled my eyes and walked off, turning back to laugh. he is one funny uncle. had a 'marathon' dance with jason. whenever the song slowed down, everyone was like, "get ready, go go go." siao!. esp speedy. she was very high. higher than usual anyway, almost everybody was. but it was a good night of dancing.
at 2am, we went to watch national treasure. pretty good movie. and it was newton after. i got home at 6.20 and woke up for church at 8.40. heh. my sis woke me up, for once, she was more determined to make it to church on time than i was.

i started church being a little disgusted. and ended church with that same feeling. i just didnt understand. you can ask me if you want to know. i just cannot stand him. illogical and super irritating. and it wasnt just the sudden change of plans and the eventual cancellation of plans. it started from the very time church started. does he have no brains? or is he just really insensitive? perhaps, both. urgh.
shopping with my sis had a terrible start. but it got better. bugis street was really crazy, so we just got her jeans and decided to leave for far east. but that never happened because my tired body gave in and we headed home. and i slept all the way till dinner. and now i'm blogging, still a little zoned out.

apart from all that, its been an emotional roller coaster in the house. between mum and dad. but alls good now. hope it stays like that for a long time. i actually ignored the situation, pretending that i didnt know what was going on. my sister was the one who stepped up and said her piece. i'm so proud of her. as for me? i've always had the perfect family, or at least that was what i told everyone and that was what i liked to believe. and when i decide that i'm going to help, the problems becme so real. and the fact that my family has major issues actually surfaces to reality. all families have their problems, and i can either be of some help or no help because there is only so much i can do anyway. i will choose to pray, and let the emotionally stronger sister do battle. who said the young were looked upon as weak?

may we bask in the spirit of christmas =)

2007-12-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

i'm back from camp. ym camp, that is.

it was pretty good. but very different.
i mean compared to the past 4 camps, it was different. and i guess, you need to have been in either one of those camps to really understand what i mean.
i had a good group though, they were difficult to handle in the beginning, but once the ice became luke warm water, it got pretty easy. and i'm really thankful for the bunch of people i spent camp with.
i also had a few reconciled relationships, and that was really nice. getting in touch, once again, with friends i lost touch with. and it was good.
i made a few new friends too. haha. dont we all at camp? but i'm getting to old, or the people at camps are getting way too young. like i told anyone who asked, i'm 16. haha. people actually believed me, until ernest had to give it away.
all in all, i had a good time, and it was time well spent, especially with my sister. my mini-me. haha.

all geared up for the next week, denise is in KL. mum and dad will be in KL too. erm. projects and projects. but it's all good. at least i dont have to worry abt running to school to tap my card. hehe.

2007-12-05T01:29:00.001+08:00

[start]
the heart aches and pines for a love that is so forbidden, and yet remains so lushes and inviting. no wait, tempting. yes, ever so tempting. love perceived on a one-way track to all regret and dismay. but a love so sweet that makes everything okay. a love that yearns for unending perfection but has no stable beginning and possibly a very unfortunate end.
nightmares, no, dreams. sweet and nice and evergreen. such as those dreamed up in fairytale. yes, those dreams. the very very good ones. and yet nightmares, for what is a dream if it cannot come true but an unending stream of torment.
the mind is weak and the heart is closed to shattered. the conscience is clear but weary.
in love with the saint. the untouchable saint.
[end]

it's wednesday morning and so far i have had a terrible week. i wont be taking my basic theory this month after all. i will be waiting till next year. need to go back onto the money saving track first, and i have too much to do tmr.
my biggest disappointment so far is my placement results. UNSUCCESSFUL. haiz. there goes my attachment period to do anything. which is another reason why i am pushing back my driving plans. i'm just really upset abt it and all. heh. it doesnt help that i dont feel that great to begin with.

interview with SA main comm
-still not sure if exercising my right to confidentiality was the right thing to do. or was it back stabbing.
dance
-not involved in alumni night. i do nothing but stand ard. i need my drive back. although, i am not entirely sure what it was to begin with. and to be honest, no matter how much the atmosphere is less stressfull now, i miss having him ard. because when he isnt yelling or being a real bastard, he was such a joy to have ard.
jerinne coming in to teach soon. hope that works out. need to email her abt some stuff. last i checked, i'm PR. heh.
salsa
-same issues. think they are being worked out. fingers and arms and blah blah blah. same old stories. not as bad as before, but still there. where the studio is concerned, i'm miss invisible. i dont mind, i guess. but it would be nice if i actively existed. need a partner again, if not i cannot perform. ever. the same reasons i left BE, are now threatening my level of interest.
school
-project after project after project. and the point-blank letter with a huge full-stop. no left turn or right turn for appeal or nothing stated. outright "NO".
malaysia
-i left my black hoodie in the hotel back in malacca. for those who know which one, you will know why losing it can upset me so much. i'm practically in love with that hoodie. and it still pains. i'm pretty sentimental, so sue me.

really, can you blame me for being a little unhappy? and trust me, a little is an understatement.
there's a happy thought for the week though. just one, but it's better than nothing. i might be able to go to KL at the end of the month with jason and jerinne. oh joy.

there's a reason for everything and i can only trust that He is in control. For i know, what He has planned can only be of good and not of evil.

2007-11-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

it's been a really good week. my first wave of tests are over. well, fine, i still have retail studies. but the scary tests like biz finance and accounting are over. biz law wasnt as much of a breeze as i hoped it would be. i couldnt support any of my arguments, but i argued it anyway. heh.

had a huge argument with peter. broke me down, tore me apart. the pieces are still being threaded together. really slowly. it'll be awhile before the whole thing absolutely doesnt bother me. it was nice to have someone there. nice to not be alone. i needed it anyway. not that i'm suicidal, but everyone could use a shoulder from time to time. esp in times as such.

so here's my two cents worth on the whole thing. we've lost an instructor, and as much as many of us want to think differently, we might have very well lost a dear friend. we've become very close, some of us closer than others. and it sucks that the last conversation was a verbal war. honestly, i wouldnt be where i am today if it wasnt for him. and for that i am eternally grateful. but at the same time, things got out of hand, and no one is to be blamed for it. shit like this happens, it never really is anybody's fault. most of the time, it's everybody's fault. so what do we do? we pick up the pieces and move on. and prove to everyone that we practice what we preach. that we can run the club on our own strength. that we can be a well-organised and well-run student club.
why i havent sent my gratitude? simply because, i know he doesnt read this. he hates to read blogs. so this will probably never get to him. an email will, and right now, more than half of me is still mad at him for the things he said. for the allegations he made. for the tears that poured because of him. and the part of me that wants very much to sincerely say thank you for everything that he has done for the club, and more importantly for me, cannot supercede the anger and pain that needs time to settle itself. i'll do it eventually, i always say goodbye.

one of the dragon boaters who died in cambodia, is my dad's pe teacher in njc. if you've heard the news, you will know who. and i actually met him once. at the cvc anniversary dinner, back in september. affecting my dad alot. my dad liked him. "hardworking guy", my dad would always say. we see all this on the tele and go life's not fair, their all so young. one of the guy's who died is 20, that's how old i'm gonna be next year. he had at least 50 more years of his life mapped out that he was looking forward to. it sucks the most, when you know the guy. i mean, i met him once, and i feel sad. simply because i knew him. he was 31 btw. it's scary, when you realise how fragile life is. how thin the line between living and dying is. it's scary indeed.

right, so that was a long post. but, like i said before, apart from a couple of issues, it's been a good week. one of the few weeks in a year where i dont look forward to the end of it. but weeks come and go, and the new week starts in abt two hours, and in some countries, the new week started 22 hours ago. heh. SA meeting tmr, let's hope something good comes out of it. let it not be one with opiniated comm members thinking of their own well-being. heh. and may the new week be as good as the last one, somehow.

2007-11-20T18:25:00.000+08:00

finally have the time to blog. last week was a busy busy week, with two ica reports and sinfonia 2007.

sinfonia was surprisingly not as much of a chore as i thought it out to be. i actually had quite a fair bit of fun. and as for tc, he is really nice when he has to be. and that's more than enough for me.

here's the album from sinfonia. knock yourselves out. and a few of my faves below.
sinfonia 2007

now that week is gone. three ica-s done. three more to go. need to get up to speed with efma.
the studio is looking good this week. fun monday class. what seems like it's gonna be a huge wednesday class. and a small thursday class, but at least there is still a class. and if things carry on like this, we might just supercede the set goals. maybe. another 9 weeks to exams and 9 weeks to knowing my placement results. like i said before, i say again, this semester is flying past way too quickly. way way too quickly.

when the cat's gone away, the mice come out to play. haha. she's playing alright. definitely playing.

2007-11-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

been working mornings. been working everyday.

river valley pri has by far the cutest kids. very naughty no doubt, but that's by word of mouth. i only went there once and they were adorable.
mee toh school has the most guai kids. i call them abnormally guai. haha. but their really nice. and intelligent. and the teachers are really helpful too. weird huh?! did you even know a school like this existed?

been unforgivingly skipping class. i promise to start diligently going for my classes. besides, i dont really have a choice anymore. heh. 10 more weeks to the end of the semester and to exams. heh.

spent tuesday at jason and jerinne's house. did tutorials. ate sausages cooked by jason. and chips and alcohol. jason being a bad influence. then jerinne came back and i watched korean drama from the dining table. that was also when i stopped doing my tutorials. haha. i also ate korean food for dinner at togi and had gelare waffles and ice cream for dessert.

i went to JB on thursday. with jason and jerinne. had very nice bak khu teh. and fried stuff. then went to a shopping mall that has really nice clothes. and extremely inexpensive contumes for everything. literally. saw some really nice stuff. i want to go back and bring money so that i can buy and buy. haha.

i had to take mc on friday, coz i had a quiz that i missed coz of work. and didnt go to school the whole day.

then came the weekend. and it was a quick one. sadly. i have work in a few hours. and i need to sleep. but i want to watch bleach first. then i'll sleep.

i forgot to mention. i'm the emcee for sinfonia 2007. gee.

2007-11-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

another week has flown by. in a very literal sense. and just like that, the third week of school is already over and something of the pass. fast huh?! only 12 mores weeks to go. i'm behind in my tutorials and some of my lectures, or almost all. not good things. i'm catching up. for the first time doing tutorials. actually taking time to understand. actually not going for dance because i want to study, and not because my parents say that i cant. studying suddenly became very important? haha. and after having my first business law lecture, i want very much to do law all over again. and sadly, 2.4 is not going to get me anywhere near law school. heh.

lunchtime performance was a success i guess. alot of heartache but we pulled through in the end. i made mistakes though. haha. but it was pretty ok. pictures will be up soon. as soon as i get them. NEA performance was pretty good too. and i still love DC's item. and my mummy says i dance very well. but as far as within is concern, i look like a frog. hmmz.

it's all over, i get to rest for awhile. but monday i have to finish my obssession choreo, preview is on tuesday. erm, i think can lah. rest today and tmr. what are weekends for after all, right?
i had billy bombers just now. asked my mummy to bring us there for dinner, and i had my milkshake and so did andrea. i ordered milkshakes for mummy and daddy too. and the vote in eunanymous, billy bomber's milkshakes are the best. oh oh, did you know, billy bomber's was first opened in america by a pilot after world war 2. he named the diner after his bear, that's why there are so many bears in the diner. interesting huh?!
and my mummy bought me boots. whee, i have my first pair of black boots. and i think they look really nice. i still want those heels from charlse and keith and i saw so many nice shoes in mitju. my mummy has also acknowldged that i like big bags. mitju has some with pretty lasting material. my bag now shld last for abt another month, so i one month to save up for it.

my bootsies =)

i came across a really amusing hotel. the NEW SEVEN STOREY HOTEL. it has a website, www.nsshotel.com. nss stands for? new seven storey hotel of course. haha. and it really only has seven stories. i was very amused. very very amused. and i still am. haha.

see see! this is a very jing wei hotel. hor jw?

lasly, i'll be going for ym camp. yeaps. havent been for a long time, but i shld start making an effort to be more involved in ym, i guess. and if i can save up the cash, and if all goes well, i shld be going for malaysian salsa festival next year. how cool eh?! but must see how. besides that, all is well in the house and i forsee a good rest-of-the weekend.

note: dansflavastudios is starting another round of salsa 1A. tag me with you're contact/email if you want to learn salsa. [i advertise everywhere possible huh?!]

2007-10-26T09:03:00.000+08:00

Singapore International Salsa Festival. absolutely terrific. met wonderful ppl. got to know a few ppl better. bunked in with jason and jerinne, which i must say, was really fun. and i wouldnt have it any other way. i realized that being their student, first student =P, is a real priviledge. they know so many ppl, so many big names. and they dont just know them, their more than acquaintances. and because they know all these big names, i get to meet them. i get to stand at a table, during the cocktail launch, where everyone around the table are the international dancers and performers. i mean, how many people who just dance, get that opportunity. it's not making a bog fuss, but it is really cool. i wouldnt get that chance with anyone else. because as a student in any studio, i would be a beginner. meaning, my instructors, would be my instructors, i wouldnt get to hang out with them much less bunk in with them. i wouldnt exactly be invited to join them at the party, or rather, if i am, i'll probably feel left out. so i have concluded, that i am truly blessed, and i wouldnt have it any other way.

in due of this, there are certain things that have been said to me, and some stuff i picked up along the way. and yst, i spent the entire day thinking abt it. and for the first time, i felt like i was imposing. and i felt bad. the feeling is still here, and i am still thinking abt it. sometimes i wish some people dont talk so much.

anyways, the festival was perfect. then again, it's my first festival and the only thing i have to compare it with is salsa fiesta, and i'm 100% sure that does not count. so yea, i cant wait for my next festival, even if it is sisf 2008. i still cant wait for it. i know more people in the circle now, and it's starting to become less lonely than before. and everyone asked me if i was local, haha. i think people have the misconception that singapore is china where everyone is chinese. or maybe, i just dont look local.

some pictures from the festival. a few favourites.

they love me. haha. wendy and lynda =)

meet sue-anne.

colin and his favourite look away pose.

colin's work of art. one of many.

anothe work of art. this picture shows two sides of colin. colin the dancer and colin the clown. haha. =P

and here we have some of the pictures taking with the instructors. there were more instructors, but here a the few i actually look good in. haha.

leon rose. he was tickling me during the picture.

bobby dickerson. he started by saying, "wait wait, my back hurts". next thing i know, i'm off the ground. haha.

susanna montero. she can put guys and girls to shame. heh.

jason and jerinne. we actually went up to them and went, "can we take a picture please?" haha. we even brought a gift, courtesy of colin. shows you how much we love them. hees.

and that was festival. but there were more pictures. and its all in the 'just salsa =)' album. which is linked below.

just salsa =)

cant wait till my next festival, wherever. i'm excited already.

another week has flown by, and it flew by faster than most weeks. i'm still sick, coughing and coughing. pretty bad. but i think it's getting better. i hope its getting better. performance next week, lunchtime concert, i'm in 4 out of 5 items. quick change and all, i hope i can survive. other than that, nothing exciting. NEA performance is next week too, why do i perform so much. need to set aside time to finish up the lectures and tutorials i missed. i will start in november, and write up a timetable for myself. and need to start studying for my BTT. other than that, it's going to be a tiring week ahead. to end this week, it's union tonight. i know the week before festival was supposed to be my last, but i was asked to come to union. how often do i get asked?! never. heh. so i figured i might as well go. i might make more thursday appearances too, since its been confirmed that i get in for free. haha.

i want to look and dance like emily, have flexibility like katie.
i want a partner who comes as close as possible to junior. =P

i promise to improve, i also promise to study. =)

2007-10-15T02:42:00.000+08:00

blog blog blog

whole week was crazy. on monday, i took my first flight alone. from KL to singapore only lah, but still nerve wrecking ok?! tuesday was mellow. wednesday was a long day, but salsa was a nice way to end it. haha. actually the seared COD at the cream bistro and bak ku teh after class was the nice ending. c'mon, it was salsa 1A, forgive me for not being over excited. haha. i learned that not everything green tea is nice, green tea smoothie is actually quite bad, maybe it will be better somewhere else. thursday was the most eventful day of the week, not in a good way mind you. i did grading for 6 classes in wellington primary on my own. its not the grading that was difficult, although the kids can be a real pain sometimes, it was the lugging of ten tambourines all over the freaking school. why the heck do they have their pri 1 classes upstairs and downstairs. irritating. dance on friday, lunch with jess and treasa. central and burger king with treasa, then union. was all alone at first. but it got better, and i think i have speedy to thank for much of that. 10 minute on2 dance right at the end. woah.

DULC, dance united lepak club, met up for steamboat at zhibin's house last night, will have much to blog when the i get all the pictures. then union after. boring sat at union. but a very fun cha cha, thanx to my in ability to stick to the counting. in time, i will. i promise. haha.

on friday, was sneezing, went to lie down for awhile ard 12pm, only got up at 2.30pm. more exhausted than before. i had two nightmares. concurrently. absolutely regret lying down. i havent had the nightmares anymore since friday. but they haunt me, when i walk down the streets and i see people looking at me. terrifying, scary, and i cant help but always look over my shoulder. i still remember the nightmares so clearly. i could tell you the whole story but i wouldnt be able to take the pain. i could go halfway, but even half the pain is traumatizing. it's like i watched a horror film, and i see it playing in my head everytime i stop thinking abt everything else. i want it to stop. please stop. please.

2007-10-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

i'm back from KL.

before that. i had dinner with leong. it was a good dinner. pasta cafe at taka is a must try. the sambal seafood marinara spaghetti is really spicy. i didnt have it of course, but leong was perspiring, so that must say alot for it. haha. he finished my food again, then again, what's new. didnt get to do very much, other then dinner. maybe dinner and a movie when he gets out. he said so, ok?!

KL was good. i had a ton of fun. hanging with my mum and helping her at the exhibition. meeting really nice french people. danielle and nicole. having a drink with my mum. watching what alcohol does to her. it was funny. but it was really fun too. i had a blast. and take back all the stuff abt not wanting to go. i would not have had it any other way. how often do you get to spend time with your mum, in here environment. where you see your mum as a friend, person, woman, and not just a mum. its pretty cool. oh oh, and i had a quarter pounder everyday. simply because they dont have it in singapore. i don't like the service at KLIA though.

have to work in a few hours. i think its another long day tmr. but i will probably come home in between. leong goes off to the police acad tmr. haha. pity i cant see him off, have to be at wellington pri. TAKE CARE LEONG. remember my dinner when you get out. haha. that's not all i think abt okay?!
dance tmr night, then salsa on wed, then dance on thurs. boy, its good to be home. at least for the water bed it is. haha.

2007-09-24T16:53:00.000+08:00

had a pretty good sunday. haha. church was good. i'm kinda glad that i went. the sermon was good. all who missed it, you really missed something pretty awesome.

went to this japanese ramen place at central. the foods pretty good. a little on the pricey side. but i guess to some crazy extent, it was worth it. we were actually having farewell lunch for louise. heh. everyone is leaving. when will it be my turn? haha. not so soon anyways.
i had green tea ice cream and i got gdine to buy one too. her first time eating green tea ice cream. its so nice to spread the goodness of the world to the unknowing people who sadly live under rocks. [haha. oops. dont kill me hubs =P]

then we headed to jitterbugs to collect the poster from jason. which reminds me, i have to send it out. gosh. haha. then we went to toys r us. guess what i bought?! a rubik cube. hahahaha. i, allison menon, actually succumbed to current trends. what is happening to me?! but its been fun, i've figured it out already, took me a whole night, doubt. but i can solve a rubik cube now. good eh?! it wont be long before i can do it really fast [yea right!]. hur hur hur, watch out leong. hahahaha. oh man, seriously, what is happening to me?!

i took aaron's advice and went to get donuts from donut factory at suntec. two double chocolate. mhmm, better than good. better than better. just awesome. i've had krispy kreme and dunkin donuts, so i've had better. but when it comes to donuts in singapore, donut factory wins everybody. so so good. haha. check this out.

before

after

haha. and that summed up my sunday. i was complaining last night that i have no dance this week. i might take class with gdine but its like $30 per class, so i might think again. i could crash BE today, but i woke up at 4pm [thanx to all the rubik cube-ing last night till 3am]. so yea, no BE for me. tmr is a full day for me, have three classes, including cha cha at monfort, that will be fun. haha. and hopefully gdine finishes dinner earlier so that we can go see lu lu off. union this friday, finally, i havent salsa-ed for too long. haha.

2007-09-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

added a few new albums to the photos section. enjoy=)

this album will be constantly updated until its full.
just salsa =)

Stage Arts Annual Production. PEOPLE. dancers did a beyond legends item. our best yet.
stage arts annual production 2007

Stage Arts Night 2007. these are a bit late because i totally forgot to upload them. haha.
stage arts night 2007

not much has happened in the past few days. just classes after classes. with this job, i bet i will know the public transport system at the back of my hand. but i enjoy it. travelling from school to school. assisting dance instructors. i could do this for a long time.

my mummy has said that if i can pay my way through driving school, the nissan sunny is mine. its not much, but when you cant afford something, a car is still a car. so i already have a car, i just need a license. and with the extra income i am earning now, i'm sure, with enough will power, i could do something abt it. she gives me the nissan and gets a new car for themselves. haha. that's what she said ah.
i didnt go for dance today, just so tired. but i need to start going. i think its break next week, better check email. no salsa for two weeks =( union next friday. my mummy actually knows. i already told her. no more keeping stuff from her, nothing good ever comes out of it. as long as i keep my late nights within the holidays. she's reasonable.

2007-09-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

this could have possibly been the best two weeks of my life so far. salsa everyday, ok fine, every other day. actually havung a partner. partner being chu leong. dancing with jason and jerinne. performing salsa again. gee. what more could a girl ask for?! ok, i could think of alot of things to ask for, but that is not the point.

the performance was pretty good. taking into consideration that it was put together in two weeks. it really was pretty good. and comparing my salsa from then to now, i actually have improved. fine fine, i know everyone says that, but i this is the first time i actually see myself salsa. its not very often you have a video of yourself social dancing you know. at least, not when your a tiny time dancer [i felt that small time dancer was still too big].
many people said that it was a good show and nobody believed the 'two weeks' part. its a good thing we didnt ask the emcee to say 6 days, they might have striked us off for lying. haha.

i was very glad that i bought the other black top and not the one i wanted to buy originally. nicole showed up in the top i was going to originally get. which would mean that once i had changed to jeans, we would look exactly the same. that would have not been good.
apart from all that, i had a few good dances. none with jason coz he spun the rest of the night. but i was having a very confusing night. suddenly on1 became so much more difficult than on2. and honestly, i think i like on2 more because i have more thinking and breathing space. it could also be because, that's all i have been doing for the past two weeks. heh.

for any of you who do not know the VERY NICE guy who agreed to be my partner, he is chuleong, or better known as ah leong. after eating a few dinners with him and spending almost two whole weeks with him, i must say, there is more to him than just a pretty boy face. haha. he's a really nice guy, who picks up choreo at a ridiculous speed. very talented, and he can be such a boy sometimes. haha. he can ask the most 'innocent boy' questions, that have no link whatsoever to anything. and when he does, you tend to forget he is 20. heh. but then again, sometimes i forget how old jason is, or how old jonathan is, so maybe it's a guy thing. haha. but really, nice guy, good friend, and like a said, not just a pretty boy face. big big big thank you for helping me out and dancing with me again. had an awesome time and it was nice to share something i love with someone i dont absolutely hate. =)

supper after was interesting. stuff happened, but you dont have to know. wasnt sent home by jason and jerinne, took a cab back with stella. was suppose to take a cab back with stella. haha. jean sent us home instead. i was just, innocently, pointing out how 'on the way' it was, and stella joined in ok?! but in the end, we decided to cab, but he decided that he should do something good. haha. besides, everytime stella wanted to leave, he told her to sit. so in the end, i guess it was all jean.
the ride home was fun. interestingly fun. he really doesnt stop talking, haha. i thought only i did that. i guess there are others out there. and i can safely say, jean would beat me hands down. i kinda took him in circles, but it was an accident. no one told him not to ask me for directions. but it was all good in the end. good ride home. got home just before 5am no doubt, but it was a good ride.

oh oh. i'm attending samba with BE. two more weeks of samba. its really cool. haha. and guess what, i think i'm partnering leong. but it's complicated for many reasons. no big to me, i just want to learn abit here and there, it wont kill me if i have no partner. [i dont believe i just said that].
now got to source for upcoming dance performances in oct. and hopefully get some advertising going for dfs, and ibs. get my financial life in order, so that i will stop running out of cash. and look forward to the salsa DJ competition coming up. the performance vid is already up, just click salsabutteyflies on the left and you should see it. enjoy =)

2007-09-10T01:19:00.000+08:00

i found that the best way to dry hair, time consuming no doubt, is to use a fan at full blast.

nth much really happened this week. i managed to convince leong to be a part of the performance, so that was one hurdle out of the way. went to yew tee pri to assist for ethnic fusion dance. the kids were so cute. i remember a few of them, esp little phoebe. she's this tiny pri 3 girl. reminds me of me when i was in pri 3, super tiny. haha. i'm serious ok?! other than that, i had a role play presentation on friday, that was pretty funny. and i am officially on holiday, ok maybe not. project week now, but no more regular classes.

friday was awesome. i had a birthday dance. haha. trust me, its more fun to watch. the best part was zee and jason. it wasnt too bad, i almost tripped twice. so yea, not too bad. haha. someone asked me who told the DJ, and i said jason. the reply i got was, 'haha, should have guessed ?!' eh jason, see your rep. haha. i cant remember who though. gdine hubby came with a whole bunch of zen people. that is not the important part. the important part is that we finally union-ed together. she led me through one song. haha. as much as i am against the whole girl-girl thing, it was fun. and i am sure that is only because she is geraldine. haha. supper was fun. laugh till i teared. jean's an, erm, interesting guy? yep! that's the word, interesting. heh.

saturday was 'legacy of goh choo san'. four words, it was so beautiful. i love the piece with jared angle. the entire ballet was just awesome. i also saw alot of people. haha. i left coming for these performances, its like a family reunion [as peter puts it]. all the people ever met in my dance life so far, from all the way back to my ballet days. i met aunty june too. that was a lovely surprise. and i learned that jess used to take ballet with miss pang. small world huh?! supper at gluttons bay was nice. shared fried oyster with treasa =) oh oh. treasa got me a top for my birthday, its pretty. she got me a butterfly thing to hang on my phone too. pity i'm not a 'hang stuff on my phone kind of person'. i shall safe keep it. haha.

treasa and i before legacy. she just loves my white blazer. haha

the top she got for me =)

sunday i had covenant vision center's 9th anniversary dinner. which entailed my 30s of fame. haha. i was in one of the videos. it was funny. i looked funny. gdine hubby was there, so that was nice. and i had the best singapore doughnuts i have tasted so far. meridien shopping center. the shop is facing the streets. really nice. i had one super chocolate one. that was devine. i have decided that the only bread in heaven is doughnuts, simply because i would not have it any other way. haha. saw many people i havent seen in awhile. it was a good dinner.
hubby also got me a present, but had to give it back because it was too big. she said she'll go change for me. so nice of her.

hubby and i at cvc's 9th anniversary dinner.

next week is a whole week of rehearsals. and project. a few jobs would be nice too. one can never overlook the 'earning extra income' part of life. haha. i'm contemplating exhausting my jitterbugs membership classes during the hols. i just mind, i'm sure i will be allowed to dance since its the holidays. right? i think so anyway. heh.

i saw two interesting number plates the other day. the first, SFU ..... but that still cannot beat the second, SK 69U. can a person be anymore straightforward. now, you know exactly what that car is used for. haha.

2007-09-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

okays. time for major weekend round-up blogging.

friday
i led ACES Day at woodlands ring pri for pri 3-6. haha. what an experience. lemme tell you, doing the opposite for the kids to mirror is not easy at all. no joke, as i previously put it. as if i'm not confused enough with left and right. haha. you would think it's easy for someone who does the opposite all the time, unconsciously. well, think again. heh.
then it was school. back to woodlands ring pri to assists for ACES Day. then to esteller 77. then maggie took me on a shopping spree. in ISETAN SUPERMARKET. she is one very very cute woman. who takes the joy of food to whole new level. haha. it was fun. after that, headed home and waited. haha.
at night, i went for dinner at buono. i love that place. good food, awesome people, and amazing ambience. oh oh. dinner was with jason and jerinne. i ate quite abit. cant help it, the portions are big. haha. then came the highlight, i got a chocolate lava cake with a candle in it. so cool, and terribly sweet. haha. if your wondering, why the candle, it was my birthday dinner. one week early no doubt, but it was buono or hua yi, the choice is clear =P haha. the ambience was so amazing that it killed any 'go to union after dinner vibes', which was absolutely fine with me, mind you. haha. we went for a movie instead, RATATOUILLE. very very good movie. a definite must watch. so in one night, i got dinner, a cake, a movie and cup corn. BIG THANK YOU TO JASON AND JERINNE =)

saturday
birthday dinner at night. suntec guild house bbq buffet. the whole family and my mummy's side. the cake was huge. forgot to bring the camera, and my phone did not really do the cake justice. so you're going to have to imagine, really big chocolate, and i mean really big. haha. it was really nice too. courtesy of good-deh and girlfriend delia. got ang bao. haha. i love having birthday dinners with family when you are older, they dont know what to get you and give you ang bao. haha. ang bao, i like. dinner was fun, got cards from my cousins and even transformer stickers. haha.

sunday
BURN THE FLOOR presents FLOORPLAY. it was good. i guess all the reviews that i got before watching affected my judgement. and the comments after. but it was still good. although, at least 5 girls almost fell. heh. i saw so many salsa dancers. daphne, boon cheong, chris, ange, stella, and a few others that i've seen around. stella is really nice. haha. but i swear she does not know my name. as far as she is concern, i am 'girl'. haha. well, at least i have a name as far as she is concern. and she knows who is 'girl'. heh.

i am still on the hunt for a salsa partner. haiz. i'm excited and frustrated. needing to look for a partner was a hassle that i thought i left behind when i left BE. no partner, no performance. sounds awfully familiar doesn't it.

2007-08-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

if you havent noticed, i have gone back to 'blogging only when i have something to blog about', instead of meaningless whenever.

sekou mcmiller is pretty awesome. i sent out a mass sms telling many abt him. and the results were disappointing. i guess i just dont understand how other people cannot see what i see in salsa. anyways, like i said, he was awesome. reminded me of shaka. haha. that was pretty much what everyone was saying. i danced with him on thurs. nerve-wrecking. but it was all good. he's a pretty nice guy. haha.
friday night was pretty good too. [is it just me, or is the bass heart-thumpingly loud, or is it just the sound system?] my best dance for the night was with zee. you know what? compared to the first time i danced with zee [last night was my second, btw], getting lost and having trouble following, i actually almost di not stumble at all. haha. and that was pretty cool. there was still the missing of his hand, and the slipping of the hand. but it was definitely 10 times better than the first time.
and i learnt a very valuable lesson last night, never say 'anything' to the bartender at union. i'm not entirely sure of the effects of saying 'whatever' yet, and i dont think i plan to find out.

i went shopping just now with gdine. been a long time since we went out. had a pretty good time. i spent close to $100. but didnt buy meaningless stuff. all the stuff i got, be proud of me, were things i actually planned to get. no impulse buys. haha. ok, maybe one. a really cute t-shirt. but hey, nobody's perfect. i saw this t-shirt that read, "men are like commercials, dont believe anything they say". as cynical as that sounds, i found it quite funny at that point of time. anyway, i'm happy abt my buys. accomplished even. haha. like one of those single-liberal american girls you see on tv. and the fact that they always get swept off their feet by some really hot stud before the end of the movie, is absolutely not the point. heh.

kfc in abt half an hour. and singapore bay run tmr. gee. how exciting?!

2007-08-19T18:37:00.000+08:00

it's been 10 days. i must have something to blog abt.

first up

my new phone. pretty ain't it. (and please dont say, "allison, why your phones always got patterns?" that is absolutely not true)

and my not-so-new anymore latin heels. my pride and joy. who needs babies? (kidding. =P)

my attachment is finally over. or the practical part is finally over. time for classical, three hour timetable everyday. also the time to work more. haha.

upper club last night was very good. twoleftfeet's performance was awesome. esp the tricks. but, i must say, very cheesy (in a good way. of course. entertaining). there wasnt anyone to laugh at though, because not many ppl actually dressed up. kudos to those who did, admirable. heh. i danced quite abit. had alot of fun. cant wait to dance again. (what's new)

jonathan is back. which isnt really much because he has been back for two weeks and is leaving tmr night, but he chose to tell me last night. had me out for breakfast this morning, so i had to wake up at like 9.45am aft sleeping at 4.45am. i even had to wake him up can?! haha. but its ok, breakfast wasnt too bad. and believe it or not, i am still full. my appetite is not being very nice to me.
church was ok. lunched with melissa, gdine and jaryl. shopped ard abit for stationary, and left with a home-project. haha. (right gdine?) will post up the results of that project soon.

that's all really. hope i get work tmr. if not, i'll be out with gdine. so its a win win situation both ways. may be getting a bag tmr. haha. have salsa tmr night. haha. hope they eat hua yi again, if i do meet gdine. want to let her try the xiao long bao. haha. =)

2007-08-09T12:06:00.000+08:00

what would be cheesier than to blog on national day? i'll tell you what, starting the entry with.....
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY =) [haha. i think many of you probably think i go through life a very bitter person. which isn't entirely untrue. heh]

production yst wasn't too bad. i dont think i screwed up on stage, and it could have possibly been our best 'beyond legends' piece yet. and i must say, done right, the choreo does look very nice. esp all the place rifle steps. haha. [hor. yee shan.]
didnt feel much after the production, you know, that sense of satisfaction [abt to tear] kind of feeling. like at the end of musical. i guess because we didnt really slog hours. i can understand why drama side was absolutely elated and i'm very happy for them. they did a good job. as for the dancers, i think the juniors felt more of a sense of satisfaction then the seniors did. how do i put it? like abit no shiok?! haha.that was how i felt anyway. nevertheless, like i said, all the hard work drama put in paid off and they did a very good job. it was one of their happier storylines. good good.

before production, weilin and i headed to amk hub. we went on a shopping spree at the, wait for it, wait for it, FOOD FESTIVAL. haha. bought so much food. i still love the cupcakes best. then again, i have a soft spot for cupcakes. the cuttlefish was also pretty good, brought back hong kong memories. i was so nice and saved some for denise. haha. coz i know she loves cuttlefish. so nice right? heh. and she did. love the cuttlefish i mean. we also bought egg tarts and choc puffs. and westlake kong ba bao, even you have never eaten it, you really shld try, esp if you like kong ba bao. they have an outlet at plaza sing. great for the movies, just know how to bring it in. hahaha. [right sherry?]

i have pictures from yst, but i havent uploaded them yet. will post them up together with pics of my new phone and long awaited pics of my not-so-new-anymore latin heels. haha.

2007-08-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

my post seem to come once a week nowadays. that's not too bad. at least i update, unlike many =P
but i must confess, i have nth much to say today.

my simpsons review. its not too bad, really funny. indeed a 'laugh out loud' movie. due to the nature of its content, it is a must watch in the cine. the big screen does wonders to the graphics and the images and even the storyline. however, i wouldn't advice watching it on a weekend. its, sadly, not worth $9.

hmm. there hasn't actually been a movie worth $9 for a long time. none that i have watched anyway. i think the last movies that i watched that were actually worth that much, was transformers and possibly die hard 4.0. even then, i thought die hard was ridiculously fictitious. good nevertheless, but still fictitious. heh. why doesnt anyone make weekend price worthy movies anymore?

okays. nth else to say. teck whye sec later. then sa production rehearsals. then salsa at night [=)]. then more rehearsalsa tmr and production on wed. maybe i'll have stuff to say abt the production. when i finally actually watch it. haha. good stuff i hope [everyone hopes]. heh.

2007-07-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

salsa is almost like a drug. keep me away from it for too long and i start to show withdrawal syndromes. i'm not kidding. its abit scary. i'm not sure if it's exactly a healthy obsession.
although, i am loving every moment of it. heh.

didnt have a great week. i could have possibly gotten rejected. and my phone got stolen. ok fine. i left it on the floor and by the time i remembered, someone had taken it. so it was entirely stolen.
now i am surviving on a phone courtesy of weilin. thank you so much girl. and i dont plan to get one anytime soon, i dont have the finances to. i hope, as bad as i feel to keep using her phone, that i can use weilin's phone for a long time. dex offered his spare phone. so maybe that offer will still be valid when i have to return the phone.

today, i figured out how i want to spend my birthday. i really hope i get it.

2007-07-24T10:14:00.000+08:00

i was watching the LIVE EARTH concert highlights on sunday and i realized something. the whole event rides on conserving energy. promoting the conservation of energy to save the earth, if you prefer specifics. there were other stuff too, like 'do not litter', 'reduce; reuse; recycle', but the main point was save energy. and how do they do that? they throw a concert. they throw a concert to promote the CONSERVATION OF ENERGY??!!. they throw something that requires electrical musical instruments, speakers, microphones, lighting, all of which, surprise surprise, requires generators. and generators produce electricity, which is in fact a form of energy. so dont you thing that throwing a concert to promote the conservation of energy is abit ridiculous? just abit. and its not just one concert, its 8 concerts, in 8 different countries. i can definitely see the conservation of energy in that. heh. go figure.

haha. my rant is over. go buy bon jovi's new cd. LOST HIGHWAY. it is so so very good. it beats HAVE A NICE DAY. everyone shld listen to it.

i noticed that there is something salsa in every entry. so here goes. class was pretty good. spin and spin and spin. thanx ah. but i had fun. even up till the end. i can spin leh. haha. getting there anyway. and my tension is better. good to know i'm getting somewhere. very good indeed =)

2007-07-22T14:43:00.000+08:00

pretty good weekend.

friday wasnt that great for some reason. but i had a wonderful time last night. going to miss it for awhile. maybe a month or so. see how things go. haha.

oh oh. i danced with SUPER MARIO. cool. awesome =)

i watched die hard 4.0 on fri. its a pretty good movie. suspense and all. pretty fun as jason puts it. all in all, it was another die hard movie. but it went a little overboard though. it was a little too fictitious. john mcklaine [bruce willis] was like superman, only diff was that he got shot at, broke an arm and could bleed. then again, give superman some kryptonite and you could probably do the same things to him. i would love to prove my point further by using a scene from the movie but that would spoil it for some people, so i shall refrain.

i bumped into a whole group of teck whye sec boys at raffles place mrt station. wah lau eh. pai seh can?! haha. the boys from the cha cha and rock and roll class. and i'm going there tmr to assist. haha. please pray for me. i'm scared. heh.

salsa tmr night. my saving grace. cant wait to union again. which will be in awhile, but it makes the anticipation that much sweeter.

2007-07-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

i dont really have anything to say. but the previous entry was starting to look like a depressing eye sore.

i got my red and black latin heels. and their so gorgeous. i'll take a picture soon. havent really had the time.

science center was one experience that i do not want to repeat. its a pity that i have to go back another 4 more times. i suddenly feel such compassion for surveyors down along orchard road. not that i might actually stop for them now. but i'll definitely think twice abt not stopping. that's a start right? heh. we hit our target, or close enough anyway. and i dont have to go down for two weeks. i absolutely do not mind, oh surprise surprise.

i finally watched transformers. and now every vehicle i look at, i stare at it wondering if it will transform. haha. you cant blame me really, its valid anticipation. imagine an autobot in singapore, "hi. i'm FERRARI." i figured that autobots would be rare right? so if they were in singapore, they would probably be the really rare cars. heh. you must agree. you do, right?! haha.

okays. i better stop before ppl reading start cursing and swearing. haha. goodnight world =)

2007-07-10T11:46:00.000+08:00

so i've been thinking.

i did ballet for more than 10 years and nth changed. i never got rid of bad habits. like when i went for pointe musical prac. ms tan said the same things ms lee used to say. point your toes, lock your knees. extend your limbs. soften your fingers. relax your arm. so the same things that were said almost two years ago, and two years later still have not changed.

which makes me wonder, what happens if salsa becomes like that? to make things worst, i'm paying for all of it this time. ballet with miss lee, and in school was all free. one because my parents paid, the other because it was free. but now it isn't. what happens if my money goes out with no apparent returns? what if, all that is said of me now, in a couple of months have not changed? i'm trying, i really am. i know it isnt easy, but i'm just afraid that my efforts will go to waste. that after all the money and all the effort, i still fall short. then what is the point really? i wish someone could assure me that i can get better. wish someone could show me solid proof that the possibilities are there. God knows, i sure need it. i keep thinking of all the negatives, and every week i think i have solved it. just to learn that i havent really accomplished anything at all. and, i dont know, the feeling sucks. its all good when everyone keeps feeding you compliments. but when reality kicks, and all the faults are pointed out, it isnt all fine and dandy. i know its for my own good. i know that pointing out nmy faults will help me. but what if i never change? that what happens?

what happened to the ecstasy? what happened to the love?

2007-07-05T11:57:00.000+08:00

dont use your biceps.
engage your back.
walk in a straight line.
hold yourself.
take your steps.
dont arch your back.
relax your arm.
use only your fingers.
dont turn yourself.
dont let go.

its starting to become just a wee bit frustrating. i'm trying. i really am.
why is it, that somehow, i always seem to sell myself short?

2007-07-02T13:42:00.000+08:00

salsa feista 2007. awesome weekend. pity i didnt get to dance with oliver or nestor. i did during class, but, as jason would say, that doesnt really count. never mind. stay around in salsa long enough, i'm sure i'll get to see them again.
apart from that. it was a great weekend. i got to see ppl i havent seen in abt two weeks. made a few more friends. got to know a few friends better. i miss dancing. and being asked to dance is being something that i'm actually getting used to. yes yes, more and more ppl are asking. it feels kinda good. esp when they ask you how long you've been dancing salsa, hur hur hur. sure does feel good. haha. upper club was interesting, but i think i still prefer union. more homey? heh. and upper club does not serve coke. only pepsi. and the juices are so terribly sweet. haha. but its nice nevertheless. i think, give me a big carpark lot or empty field, add salsa to it and i will think its the best thing in the world. no merengue this weekend though, but who cares?! [jason, i'm kidding =P]
the workshops were really good. i still remember what i have learnt. haha. and the body movement classes kinda worked hand in hand. luda went through a lot of detail and why we do what we do. which actually gave lidia the opportunity to skip all the theory and go straight into application. so yea, that was good. my back is aching though. so very very pain. haha. but like i said, it was a good weekend.

bellman made the weekend even better. haha. i met him at upper club on saturday night. he was there to watch luda perform. and damn was she hot. oh wait, bellman. haha. had a really good time. the first thing he said to me was, "hey, you weren't at my class today, or last week." hmm. so i confessed my quitting. i must admit, i felt abit bad for not telling him. i guess i thought i was just someone he remembered on saturday mornings when he saw me. he actually asked sherry for me. haha. cool huh?! got to do salsa with him. two songs straight. one on1 and the other on2. i realized that i cant recognize on2 unless the guy says, "let's do on2 ok?" haha. that's not good right? heh. i'll learn i guess. eventually, lemme be really good on1 first. hope i get to see bellman more often. its almost like seeing an old friend. which is actually kind of refreshing.

now i'm doing up my 1-min choreo for assessment. finished quite abit of it, with pockets here and there. shld have no problem finishing it. however, everything i think of is so salsa. salsa jazz? haha. i think i'll be able to do it. stretch the line work. a few more kicks and turns. like trev said, "jazz is just jumps, kicks, and turns." haha.

lastly, i've got no more videos on my blog. coz it looked like abit of a clutter. you can catch me on youtube though.
for everything social dance. my vids, performances, my favourites.
salsabutteyflies
for everything else that is not social dance. jazz, hip hop and just for fun vids.
allimenon

okays, i'm bored. but i've run out of stuff to say, or type rather. so i'm going off now. loves*

2007-06-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

performance was freaking awesome. there couldn't be a better feeling then performing salsa in front of a crowd of salsa enthusiast. i had the best time. and everyone loved our performance. i loved our performance. except the very last bit, but at least we didnt fall over. totally awesome.

the salseras

the salseros

click* and check out how huge LA BALLROOM ENMASSE is. haha.

all of us with jason and jerinne =)

my favourite comment of the night for the performance came from zi. fan-f*ing-tastic.

sharon pakir and team performed too. and she was a male lead. so i have concluded that she is not only really hot, she's extremly handsome too.

i got jason and jerinne a present. with the help of the club fund. haha. two bears in the salsa costumes. no i did not make the bears. i just drew the costumes on. they look so cute. i had to fight the temptation of keeping them for myself. haha.

ladie's costume

notice the bare-back?

guy's costume

notice the arm band?

jerinne and jason? =P

i finally talked to my mum. and the verdict is this :-
*i dance only two nights a week
*i can only go for salsa events
*i have to be home by midnight
so issue settled.

i think i can live with that. i guess i kinda deserve it too. so as of now, mummy and i are talking again. and it feels damn good.

2007-06-20T15:32:00.000+08:00

updates updates. haha.

shakka brown was awesome. met him at union on friday night. HE ASKED ME to dance bachata with him. then later on i asked to dance salsa with him. haha. i repeat HE ASKED ME.
his workshop on saturday was pretty good. i think i enjoyed the shines workshop the most. and for the on2 workshop, i partnered xiao qing [i think that's her name]. she wanted to be the guy. pretty fun too.
salsa on1 inter partnerwork

salsa on1/on2 beginner/inter shines

fundamentals of on2

shakka brown and suzanne swadner =)

finished class and grabbed a cab. josh's b'day party. i really went there to cut the cake. haha. but it was good fun. nice to see josh, julian and valerie again. and the never boring choco exotic. i think its become either a danz inc trademark cake or a dancer's cake. haha. watched jw trash zee at soccer. ys and zee fight it out at car racing. then all left ard 11.

union after was the best time i've had so far. got pushed here and there by nickson and mark, then thrown around by jason and jerinne. danced with quite a few ppl i wanted to dance with. the best part was, i didnt ask anyone to dance. i was too stone to approach anyone. but i still danced the whole night through. haha. like union's baby. close enough anyway. i almost didnt get to merengue. haha. thank you jason =)
supper at geylang was good, jerinne made me eat frogs leg. its not that i dont like it, i just dont like the thought of eating it. and clarence almost managed to shove chili down my throat. and jason ate alot. i mean ALOT. durian after was terrible. it was also terribly hilarious. my god, so bimbo. haha.
"4 cocks and a hen. and the hen is wide open" oh gosh! haha. ask me for the full story if you want. i guarantee you will probably laugh as much as we did. maybe even more. i must stress again, my god, so bimbo.

performance tmr. union square. cant wait. hmm, my posts seem happier, dont you think?
and i'm off. loves*